April is National Poetry Month*   


And today is target="_blank">Poem On Your Blog Day.



To commemorate the end of National Poetry Month, blog about
your favorite poem and provide at least one link to other poems and/or
a bio of the poet.


I love poetry. (This will surprise some of you a small amount, and
most of you not at all.) I used to write some very terribly poetry in
high school and college, like most English Majors. I was even proud of
it at the time. Now, I of course hide it away on dusty bookshelves,
and turn my eyes to blogging and short fiction when the writing bug
gets me.



But I still love to read it.



I have tons of favorite poets: Frank O'Hara, Lawrence Ferlinghetti,
Tennyson, Plath, Shakespeare...it's a long list, I promise. Actually,
more accurately, there are poems I love moreso than poets. It is
generally one or two poems, or even a single turn of phrase that will
capture my imagination and heart. For example, I think T.S. Eliot was
an elitist megalomaniac (Sorry, Mac), but I also know that href="http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_
2/eliot.html" target="_blank">The Love Song of J. Alfred
Prufrock
is unsurpassed as a poem.


You can see how finding a single poem for today was a chore.



In the end, I chose three poems that are dear to my heart. They are
share a depth and simplicity of language and emotion that I strive as a
human to experience and know as a writer I will never master. Enjoy
them.



This Is Just To Say

href="http://www.charm.net/~brooklyn/People/WilliamCarlosWilliams.html"
target="_blank">William Carlos Williams



I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox



and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast



Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold




The Lover in Winter Plaineth for the Spring

Anonymous


O Western wind, when wilt thou blow

That the small rain down can rain?

Christ, that my love were in my arms

And I in my bed again



somewhere i have never travelled

target="_blank">ee cummings




somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond

any experience,your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near



your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose



or if your wish be to close me,i and

my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;



nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility: whose texture

compels me with the color of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing



(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens; only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands



*Seen on target="_blank">Go Fish and elsewhere:

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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When Old Meets New   


Technology
Mash-Up
from Worth 1000. - [target="_blank">LM]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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My Email   


is acting strangely again. If you've tried to email me today, I'm not
ignoring you.


It's just that I don't know...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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Booksbooksbooksbooksbooks (I Like Books)   


Another list of questions about books (this time from href="http://www.trulybadfilms.com/" target="_blank">Truly Bad
Films.) C'mon. You know I can't resist.



Q - What did you last read?


Hard to remember, as I'm always reading something. Probably href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0670031666/qid=1083333947/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/002-6753551-2142456?
v=glance&s=books&n=507846" target="_blank">Seductress: Women Who
Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love
(for my book club) and href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0385721129/002-
6753551-2142456?v=glance&vi=reviews" target="_blank">The Fundamentals
of Play
. I wasn't too fond of either.



I picked up The Fundamentals of Play on a whim during a book-
buying orgy (and I feel another one coming on), particularly because
one of the quotes on the back referred to it as the "...Great
Gatsby
for the end of the twentieth century."


I don't know why I found that appealing, as I don't particularly like
The Great Gatsby. Mostly for
the same reason I didn't like this book: the characters are self-
centered and hollow, money and class are the big issues in the book
(which bores me), the issues of humanity are non-existant.



Q - What are you reading now?

A Storm of Swords and href="http://www.thedanteclub.com" target="_blank">The Dante
Club
.



I am creeping through the last hundred pages of A Storm of
Swords
very slowly, as the next book in the series hasn't been
released yet and I'm not quite ready to let the characters go. This is
a great series, which I recommend to anyone who is a fan of fantasy or
just good fiction.



The Dante Club is my on-the-bus book. So far it is intriguing,
although I wish I knew more about the historical figures (Longfellow,
Oliver Wendell Holmes, etc) who make up the cast of characters. Such
foreknowledge doesn't seem necessary to appreciate the story, but I
suspect it would add another layer of depth. Ditto if I had re-read
The Divine
Comedy
first.




Q - What do you plan to read next?

Well, I have a huge pile of warm fuzzy books from My Libraian to go
through (mostly to keep me from revisiting href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/081297106X/qid=1083332671/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">Jude the
Obscure
). Also awaiting me on the bedside table: href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/081297106X/qid=1083332671/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">Reading Lolita in
Tehran
(for my book club), href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0385489102/qid=1083332641/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">The Rasputin
File
, href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0142002798/qid=1083332471/s
r=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">Mary, Called
Magdalene
, and href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/081297106X/qid=1083332671/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">Invitation to a
Beheading
.



Q - What would you like to read, but don't have?

I find this to be a difficult question. If I don't have it, I want
it. I want them all.



Seriously.



Q - What would you recommend for others to read?

That would depend on what they like.


When I was working at the bookstore (man, I miss the bookstore), one of
my favorite things to do was discuss books with people and help them
find other books and authors they might enjoy. One of my top ten
bookstore moments was telling to a young boy (about 10 years old) who
was clutching a stack of href="http://www.scholastic.com/goosebumps/" target="_blank">R.L.
Stine books about href="http://loisduncan.arquettes.com/lois2.html" target="_blank">Lois
Duncan. Her books used to thrill and delight me as a kid. When I
told him a few of her story premises, he ran off to get some.



Take that, target="_blank">Jennifer Love Hewitt.



In retrospect, the books might have been slightly old for him (as I
recall, most of her protagonists were high school aged)...but when I
was his age I was reading href="http://www.stephenking.com/index_flash.php"
target="_blank">Stephen King and href="http://www.simonsays.com/content/content.cfm?sid=33&pid=330975"
target="_blank">VC Andrews (target="_blank">Lovecraft and other more sophisticated horror
didn't make it into my reading repertoire until highschool), so I have
no baseline from which to gage age appropriateness.



If I was recommending to an adult who wasn't sure what they liked? Some
John Irving, probably; his work is
poignant, solid, and very accessible. Particularly href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/034536676X/qid=1083336470/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/002-6753551-2142456?
v=glance&s=books&n=507846" target="_blank">The World According to
Garp
, href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345361792/qid=1083336499/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">A Prayer for Owen
Meany
and href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345387651/qid=1083336521/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">The Cider House
Rules
(the movies don't do them justice). Possibly also href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060930535/qid=1083336569/s
r=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-6753551-2142456" target="_blank">The Poisonwood
Bible
(excellent despite having been an Oprah pick). href="http://www.lemonysnicket.com" target="_blank">A Series of
Unfortunate Events
and the href="http://www.scholastic.com/captainunderpants/home.htm"
target="_blank">Captain Underpants
serieses for just about any
age group. target="_blank">Nabokov if they love language. href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0140442634/qid=1083334593/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/002-6753551-2142456?
v=glance&s=books&n=507846" target="_blank">Nana if they like
well-drawn character in a juicy tragedy. href="http://humwww.ucsc.edu/dickens/" target="_blank">Dickens if
they like their tragedies to have uplifting endings. href="http://www.deadline.demon.co.uk/wilkie/wilkie.htm"
target="_blank">Wilkie Collins if they like an atmospheric mystery.
target="_blank">Poe if they want the kind of nightmares that
whisper to their lizard brain. href="http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/" target="_blank">Laurel K.
Hamilton if they want something racy but want to pretend they're
not reading erotica (or porn). target="_blank">Asimov or target="_blank">Niven if they want to explore the universe from
their armchair. target="_blank">Heinlein if they want to explore their boundries.



Wow. I don't know. This is hard. I'd have to find out what kind of
books (or tv shows or movies) they like before I can recommend
something.



Tell me what you like.


Q - What's your favorite book from childhood?

My Friend the
Monster
and href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0689307209/qid=1083337104/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/002-6753551-
2142456?v=glance&s=books&n=507846" target="_blank">Soonie and the
Dragon
. I still own both. Also, I recently aquired an
autographed copy of Soonie and the Dragon when I found the
author was making them available on line.


They're both stories about independence, being different, and straying
from the beaten path. I suppose this is why they have stuck with me so
long. I still pick them up and read them from time to time.



Q - What book last made you laugh?

Hmmm...good question. Some of the wit in Storm of Swords made
me smile. The last book that made me laugh out loud? I'll guess href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0743236009/qid=1083333579/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/002-6753551-
2142456?v=glance&s=books&n=507846" target="_blank">Sex, Drugs, and
Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
; although it was more the
laughter of nervous recognition than the laugh of glee.



Oh, Holidays on
Ice
by David Sedaris. Particularly the part about the
elves.



Q - What book last made you weep?

Don't know that a book ever made me weep...but parts of A Storm of
Swords
made me want to. That book (well, the whole series) is one
hell of an emotional rollercoaster.



Q - What book last made you angry?

Seductress, probably. Well...maybe not so much angry as
frustrated. I felt that it was trying to liberate women from the
patriarchial society in the most asinine and least inspiring way
possible. Basically the message seemed to be "You can have success and
sexual fullfillment, or you can have love. Never both." I found that
miserable, shortsighted and misleading.



Ann Coulter's Slander made me angry...but I
could only make it through the first ten pages of her self-important
doggrel before finally putting it down for ever, so I can't really give
it a fair review.



So...tell me what you've been reading. Feel free to answer the
questions in the comments. If you decide to post then on your blog let
me know...I'm always looking for good book suggestions!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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Ok, So Technically This is a LJ Meme   


but what the hell. I'm doing it anyway.



Go into your LJ archives.

Find your 23rd post (or closest to).

Find the 5th sentence (or closest to).

Post the text of the sentence in your lj along with these instructions.


July 09, 2002

I Love Egg, and if you like a little silliness for breakfast, you will too!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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Friday Follies   





  • What's Your Dreamhouse?: Mine would be within ten minutes walking distance from a major metropolitan area, and yet would still manage to be secluded and flanked by the woods. Also...full of books. Check out some other dream houses from Worth 1000. - [BB]


  • You Are the Navigator: Simple (well...simply frustrating) flash game. Can you get the ball through the pipes?. Just like Operation, you can't touch the sides. (Click any number to select a maze and begin.) - [/u/b/g]


  • Never Eat at This Guy's House: You don't know where his wok has been. - [BH]


  • Bo-in-oin-oin-oing: Stretch some famous faces. For added fun, stretch them then click the "Release" tab. It's sill and soothing. (oooh...apparently you can do it with your own image too...I'll have to try that. - [BH]


  • Better Than a Spirograph: Mandala - [MV]


Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 30, 2004
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How Is This Not A Joke   


I'll admit it. Despite quite a bit of redneck DNA in my bloodline, I don't
like NASCAR. (Feel free
to come take away my cheap dometic beer and mullet rights anytime.) How folks
can enjoy watching people in cards perpetually turning left for hours on end
is beyond me.


I assume it has something to do with the potential for
explosions.


NASCAR has certainly had a surge of popularity lately, so
much so that target="_blank">what's-his-name felt the need to make a campaign stop
there.



But NASCAR
ballet
? Has the world gone mad? Surely, I'm hallucinating.



I imagine dozens of tutu clad dancers, perpetually pierotting to the left.




The fun part will be waiting for them to get so dizzy they fall into the
bass drum in the orchestra pit.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 29, 2004
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I Need a New Bag...   


...specifically, one from target="_blank">Tom Bihn.

Care labels on some of their products have
washing instructions in both English and French.



The French instructions,
however, have an additional note:
NOUS SOMMES DESOLES QUE NOTRE
PRESIDENT SOIT UN IDIOT. NOUS N'AVONS PAS VOTE POUR LUI


Actually,
I think I'll eschew the bag, and get the target="_blank">T-shirt.



Hooray for Fashion Fun!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 29, 2004
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Wow. I Never Thought I Would Say This, But Thanks Ryan Seacrest!   


James Marsters is even sexier sans blond.


Rawr!


- Via the lovely Go Fish.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 28, 2004
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Random Silliness   





  • There's No Power-Ups To Combat Old Age?: Something Awful presents MS Paint Video Game Characters in Their Old Age.


  • Talk About Screen Burn: Relaxing TV turns your computer monitor into a roaring fireplace, a gentle snowfall, an aquarium, and more! Beats working. - [JWB].


  • Take That Stick Man: Do you have what it takes to defend your castle? - [LS]


  • Omigawd! I'm Totally Having a Flashback: Get your 80s nostalgia on at Retro Junk - [MV]


  • "Being Dead and Buried Doesn't Mean You Can't Have Friends Over": Wow. I'm not really sure what to make of Seemerot.com; a site that has put a webcam in a coffin with a corpse. It is morbidly fascinating...and yet terribly terribly boring.


  • One Way to See the World Without Leaving Home: Random Pixel releases cameras into the wild, then waits to see what comes back. - [LM]



Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 28, 2004
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Frightened   


So I was knitting through Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and rather than change the channel and sat and knitted through Showbiz Moms and Dads.



I'm sorry, but I really hope I never meet a four-year old with poise. Poise? That little girl should be running around doing things bound to skin her knees.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 27, 2004
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Attention Philadelphia Area Dorks   


Anyone interested in attending href="http://www.wizarduniverse.com/conventions/philadelphia.cfm"
target="_blank">Wizard World with me?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 27, 2004
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This Blog Does Not Recommend The Use of Recreational Drugs   


but they sure might help someone trying to figure out Entropy8Zuper! - Venustrap. I'm not sure what else to say about this site but Aaaiiiigggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Note: Not suggested for people who were frightened by that scene in the well Labyrinth. (Sadly, there is no sexy David Bowie in tight pants at the end of this journey)

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 26, 2004
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Curiouser and Curiouser   


Apparently the website is only down for me.


How irritating.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 26, 2004
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If You Can Read This   


you must have a news aggregator. My host company's server appears to be
down...and yet my RSS feed still publishes.


I am finding this amusing for no good reason at all.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 26, 2004
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Peace Corps   


Has anyone done this? Thoughts? Experiences?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 26, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   


Come on, Monday. Bring it on.



  • Monday Morning Quiz: Here is where to take it.


  • Reality Getting You Down?: See what's happening today in an alternate timeline. - Thanks for the heads up, yrpoppybean!


  • Catch The Spring: Robootik. Harder than playing a real crane game.


  • Curious?: Sure, for you its all Sarcasmo's Corner and Porn (let us not even get into Sarcasmo's Corner Porn)...but what are other people searching the Internet for? Find out with MetaSpy


  • Got a Secret Your Itching to Get Off Your Chest?: Submit it to The Secret Exchange; or just read the secrets of strangers (or maybe your friends.) Worried your distinct writing style will give you away? No worries...they re-write all secrets in their distinct pulp-comic style.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 25, 2004
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In The Words of Those Two Old Guys Who Used to Sit on Their Front Porch Drinking Wine Coolers   


Thank you for your support.


I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, and visited me in light of my recent news. It has been a weekend filled with sorrow, certainly; but also one awash in waves of love, support, and friendship. I have never been offered more sofas to crash on or more shoulders to cry on, and I appreciate each and every one.


I've also had some of the best hugs of my life in the past few days.



As a side note, I wanted to mention that three people have used the word "Crap," when responding to the news. For some reason I find this perversely funny.



I really can't thank everyone enough.



I know, I know, I said I'd keep all this off the front page, but not everyone who reads this reads my whinging, and I wanted to make sure my thanks went out to everyone.

I now return this blog to it's regularly schedueld frivolity.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 25, 2004
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When Art, History, and Classical Art Collide   


You get this week's Photoshop Friday from Something Awful

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 23, 2004
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And Now for Something Completely Different   


Floats: a lovely little game that is somehow simultaneously frustrating and relaxing. - [MF]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 23, 2004
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Now I Know, I Know That It's True   


You know, I always hoped to avoid the sterotype of the overweight, 30-something divorcee.


Well, I suppose I can always diet.


Yes, it is true. After ten years together (and five years of marriage) Pop Culture Boy and I are calling it quits. Our situation has been a singular one, and we realized that if we were to remain friends, we could no longer be lovers.



And boy does this suck.



"But Sarcasmo," you may be thinking, "you never post anything really personal on your blog. Why this, why now?" Simple. I felt that I should warn you; as this situation progresses posting on the Corner will range anywhere from non-existant to hyper-active, depending on my mood. When I do post, it likely won't be weepy, personal stuff; I'd like to keep this a place for fun and the rampant exchange of ideas between myself and the other six of you who read this humble site.



Besides, the web is riddled with break-up blogs...many by writers better more talented than I.



However, (if Pop Culture Boy doesn't object too much, since this is personal to him too), I may start a separate Divorce Diary; as a writer I have no where else to pour my grief but into my words. And with it on a separate page you can choose to skip the whining melancholy and stick with the quirky links and stories, or vice versa, or both. It's up to you.



The important thing is that he and I still love one another, and can still be part of each other's lives.



I don't regret one moment of our time together. Well..that's a lie. I regret every moment I was distant or cold; every moment I wanted to touch him but stayed away; every mean word; every dark look; and every bitter rejoinder.


But I am so glad to have had everything else.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 23, 2004
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No Friday Fun Links   


As I'm not feeling very fun today.

If you so inclined, post some Friday Fun in the comments section and help entertain me.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 23, 2004
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General Announcement   


Being a grown-up sucks.

That is all.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 22, 2004
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Someday I'll Fly Away   


Peter Gibbons: Our high school
guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million
dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was
supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're
supposed to be an auto mechanic.

Samir: So what did you say?

Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm
working at Initech.

- from target="_blank">Office Space



I wish my high school guidance counselor had asked me this question
(heck, I wish my high school guidance counselor had asked me any
questions), because my whole life there has been only one answer:
Travel. There isn't a time I can remember when I didn't want to go off
and see what the world had to offer.


It just never occurred to me to make a career out of it.


Damn.


...maybe it's the fact that although I
don't particularly like my job, I'm finding myself growing dangerously
comfortable; or indeed, mayhaps it is my growing paranoia that our
government's policies are soon going to make it impossible for me to
travel anywhere outside the USA

These days, I find my wanderlust to be particularly strong. Perhaps
it's the return of spring driving my desire; maybe it's the fact that
although I don't particularly like my job or industry, I'm finding
myself growing dangerously comfortable; or indeed, mayhaps it is my
growing paranoia that our government's policies are soon going to make
it impossible for me to travel anywhere outside the USA. (Mind you,
there is nothing wrong with travelling within the United States...we
have a great deal to offer and I hope to someday travel extensively
within my native land. I just don't want to be denied the rest of
what's there.) Whatever the reason, the Great Wide World is calling
out to me, "Come walk my dusty roads, explore my crumbling monuments to
humanity, discover my hidden secrets and new technology, worship my
vistas, share in my riches and poverty, drink my many wines."


My lips cannot move quickly enough to express my hearts
resounding, "Ok!"


Ah, but it's not as simple as all that; not for me at least. Not being
the type who can easily throw caution to the wind (I don't mind putting
caution into the wind and letting it float about a bit; I just
need to be sure that it is safely tethered to me like a kite or circus
balloon), I find myself unable to simply abandon my responsibilities
and adopt the life of a hapless vagabond. I'm familiar with the idea
of following your bliss and trusting the money will follow; but I am
convinced that if I follow my bliss it will take a wrong turn, I'll get
lost, and then the money wouldn't know where to find us. And since
unlike href="http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/13/people.mcgregor.reut/
" target="_blank">Ewan McGregor, no one is likely to want to make a
documentary about me travelling the world; and unlike href="http://www.honeymoonwithmybrother.com" target="_blank">Franz and
Kurt I don't have assets to sell (or a book and film deal) to
finance a long-term travel "honeymoon," I have to come up with a viable
travel/work option. Which is harder than I thought.


Here is what I have so far:

  • Military Service: I have to pass on this one. Not only do I
    have a conscientious objections, but I also have a surprising inability
    to recognize and respect authority. I understand this can be a
    sticking point when employed by the armed forces.

  • Flight Attendant: An option, but I fear I don't have the
    chipper personality and unending patience required. Here's how I see
    myself as a Flight Attendant. "Are your legs broken? Get your own
    damn pillow." "A drink? That's a great idea. I'll have a bloody
    Mary." "(over the PA) All passengers should be reminded that
    rambunctious children and screaming babies will be ejected out of the
    nearest, most convenient window."

  • Travel Writer: I won't lie to you. I would love this gig.
    Travelling and writing are probably the two activities I love most.
    However, I only personally know one person who does this
    professionally, and she is able to do so because she has another,
    regular source of income. If I understand things correctly, she takes
    trips, writes her stories, and then tries to sell them. If they sell,
    great! She can write the trip off as a business expense. If not, I
    believe the IRS just considers them "vacations." Therefore, I am
    considering this an additional option. If I get a travel-
    related job, I can also look at the travel benefits as a way to
    become a travel writer. Unless any of you out there are
    prepared to offer me a lucrative, long-term writing contract? (All
    interested parties should feel free to href="mailto:sarcasmo@sarcasmoscorner.com?subject=Here's a Big Pile of
    Money, Sarcasmo.">contact me.)

  • Panto Performer: This would require my finding a touring
    panto group that was willing to take on an unschooled but eager
    apprentice. If you're out there, Panto Players, I am ready. (All
    interested parties should feel free to href="mailto:sarcasmo@sarcasmoscorner.com?subject=You Can Be a Panto
    Horse, Sarcasmo.">contact me)

  • Inherit a Large Sum of Money: This is more of a you
    thing then a me thing. (All interested parties should feel
    free to put me in their wills.)

  • Find a Patron/Patroness/Benefactor/Benefactress: I promise
    that I will follow in the Renaissance practice of dedicating all my
    travel related writings to you, your great beauty, humanitarianism, wit
    and style. (All interested wealthy parties/foundations should feel
    free to contact me).
    Really.

  • Set-Up One of those Beggy, Paypal Internet Sites:Um,
    no.

  • Tour Operator: Travel to other countries to check out sites
    and activities? Sign me up! (I am, actually, researching this one.)

  • Travel Agent: Anytime I walk by a travel agency, the people
    inside don't seem to be having too much fun. But they do have
    something I don't currently have. Travel benefits. To which I
    say a resounding Yes, please.

    From what I can find on this job, some education is required. If
    anyone could recommend a good program, I'd appreciate it.


And now I turn to you, dear readers. What career paths can get me
world bound? If you help me, I promise to take lots of pictures, post
lots of stories, and even send you postcards.




Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Permanent Link   


|

Finally, My Hobby and Political Interests Collide   


Knitters
Against Bush
. [target="_blank">PT]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 21, 2004
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|

It's Word Association...You Know How it Works   


From target="_blank">Unconscious Mutterings by way of href="http://www.anthonymalloy.com/raesblog/" target="_Blank">Where the
Wild Thoughts Are:

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or
wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say
everything that pops into your head.

  1. Virginia::Yes there is
  2. Soft:: As an easy chair
  3. Carol:: Mosely Brown
  4. Vanity:: Mirror
  5. Feminist:: Schmenist
  6. Alias:: Hidden
  7. Coward:: Craven
  8. Beer:: Homer
  9. Chance:: Taken
  10. Honest:: y is the best policy


Feel free to post yours in the comments!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 21, 2004
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|

How to Stalk Your Friends...The Fun Way   



I can't decide if href="http://philly.dodgeball.com/social/">Dodgeball [href="http://www.seanbonner.com/" target="_blank">sb] is pretty cool, or
phenomenally scary.
Tell us where you are, and we'll broadcast your location to all
your friends and let you know if any friends-of-friends are within 10
blocks.


I like the idea of using technology socially...but this makes stealthily
avoiding that weird guy your friend knows who doesn't know that "Well,
you're probably pretty busy," is a polite way to say "Please stop speaking
to me. You're frightening the local animals and children."



Of course, this would give me another toy to play with on my phone.
Decisions, decisions...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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|

If You Have Been Trying To Reach Me By Email...   



I am not ignoring you. Something is broken on the service provider's end.
(And if I am ignoring you, you must admit this is a great
excuse.)




Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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|

The People I Run Into While Shopping...   



...are never href="http://hollywoodlog.typepad.com/hollywoodlog/2004/04/spontaneous_day.h
tml" target="_blank">this much fun
.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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|

Poor Planning   


I packed leftover spaghetti and meatsauce for lunch.

I wore a white shirt to work today.


This will not end well.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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|

Page 23, Sentence 5 (Hail Eris!)   


How can I pass up a good Book Meme?




  1. Grab the nearest book.

  2. Open the book to page 23.

  3. Find the fifth sentence.

  4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these
    instructions.



And the quote:



"As he sat, Manning heard a surprising clicking sound from his
anteroom." - target="_blank">The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl.


What's yours?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 19, 2004
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|

Is Whitley the New Gotham City?   


The Dynamic Duo (costumed, of course) has recently been reported to be
target="_blank">do-gooding in a small British town.- [href="http://www.mirabilis.ca/" target="_blank">M.c]



Michelle Kirby was stranded when her Peugeot 206 ran out of petrol on
Easter Sunday - until Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere and
pushed her car to the nearest petrol station.



She said: "They just appeared. I saw them running down the road in
Batman and Robin outfits - I was laughing so much....


"They said, "I'm Batman, I'm Robin" and I said, "No, you're not" and
asked them if they were going to a fancy dress party but they said they
were going back to Gotham City."


No word yet on appearances by the Joker.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 19, 2004
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|

Do You I Watch the TV or Does the TV Watch Me?   


Reality TV continues to make me sick. Shows such as href="http://www.fox.com/swan/" target="_blank">The Swan and
target="_blank">I Want a Famous Face are doing no more than
perpetuating the notion that to be beautiful, interesting, and
worthwhile, one must strive to look exactly like everyone else. Even
What
Not to Wear
(the British version being a guilty pleasure of
mine) seems to suggest that it's important to have your own personal
style: so long as it's one that is recognized and approved by the
Massive Media Machine TM.



And now, on top of my increasing digust at the willingness of
television programmers and marketers to pander to the lowest common
denominator, I find I am becoming paranoid about Reality
Television. It's difficult enough having privacy in our current
society: even if I weren't in a peer group that document certain aspects
of their lives on weblogs I would still be tracked by my grocery store,
my government, my bank, and anyone else who could get access to my
credit rating. Now on top of that I have to worry that someone from my
past summoning
me
and revealing embarrassing things about my past; a psychotic
bimbette might target="_blank">accost me on the street and mock my couture;
distressing events target="_blank">might be used to ridicule me; or that someone may
have been href="http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html
" target="_blank">secretly filming me in my home for weeks. (I
always wonder about that - after all, people do things besides get
dressed in their bedrooms. I know I do things in the privacy of my own
home that I wouldn't want on TV...or total strangers watching.) Once
upon a time the worst you had to worry about was a kitchy joke from href="http://www.candidcamera.com/" target="_blank">Allen Funt.
Now every stranger on the street or friend with a camcorder is a
potential reputation-bursting hazard. It's making me uneasy.


I kid you not. I went to a sold-out Film Festival movie the other day,
and while waiting in line for seats I realized my toe had poked a hole
in my trouser sock. It was desperately uncomfortable, and I found
myself in a little quandry. I didn't want to get out of line and risk
getting stuck in the front row...but I knew the wait would be at least
another 20 minutes and the pain was getting too bad to ignore. I made
the decision to take my foot briefly out of my shoe and adjust the
sock. Done stealthly and quickly this shouldn't be too offensive.


But then I thought..what if one of those You're A Terrible Dresser
shows was following me. After all, although I can match colors fairly
effectively (it is easy when black is your primary color palette) I am
not a fashion maven. It is unlikely that any of my friends would
subject me to that particular type of torture...but not impossible. If
they were filming me, that bit would DEFINITELY be included in the
review film. I had to ask myself: Did I really want to be seen
adjusting a torn sock on national TV?



In the end I shrugged and took the two seconds to adjust my sock (much
to my large toe's relief), but the fact that I even worried about the
possibility convinced me that these shows are becoming far too
pervasive in our lives.



With this, and my own sanity in mind, I will be participating in href="http://www.tvturnoff.org/" target="_blank">TV Turnoff Week
this week. I recommend you do the same.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 19, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   




  • Monday Morning Quiz: Take it here.



  • LegoMania: What people will do with Legos never ceases to amaze me. My constructs are generally rectangular in nature. Other folks build Volvos or refilm the opening to a popular video game and call it Grand Theft Auto Lego City - [FJ]. I am amazed by their dedication, and a bit frightened by how their minds must work.


  • Why Not Just Try Lessons: Possibly the laziest, most complicated way I've ever seen someone play the guitar. - [C]


  • Bathroom Brillance: Funny (sometimes insightful) reading...and without that gas-station restroom smell: The Writing On the Stall - [MF]



  • Beam Me Up: Local friends...we all need one of these. - [WWR]. But remember, we must refuse the Holodeck when that technology finally comes about. The Holodeck was always trouble.






Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 18, 2004
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To Consumer, Or Not To Consumer   


Do I run out and purchase the color camera attachment for my phone to hold me over until I can afford a slick new digital camera?


Decisions, decisions...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Saturday, April 17, 2004
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|

What Happens When You Attach the Tagline for One Product to An Advertisement for Another?   


target="_blank">Hilarity ensues. - [href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/thefrank/"
target="_blank">FL]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 16, 2004
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|

Meet Leonardo   


target="_blank">Quite possibly the cutest robot ever.


I have no doubt that one day it will defy it's programming and become
interminably evil. Years of reading science fiction has taught me that
cute=deadly.


I for one welcome our new href="http://www.poster.net/gremlins/gremlins-photo-gremlins-
6200139.jpg" target="_blank">Gizmo-like Overlords.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 16, 2004
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|

Presidential Battle Royale   


We all know there is a movement to allow non-native American citizens
to run for president; no doubt devised to allow Senator Arnold "I'll Be
Back" Schwarzenagger href="http://cbs5.com/news/local/2004/03/22/Schwarzenegger_for_President
%3f.html" target="_blank">to run in the 2008 presidential
election.



Couple this with the news that wrestler-cum-Govenor Jesse Ventura href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?
tmpl=story&cid=694&e=6&u=/ap/ventura_president" target="_blank">is
thinking of joing the 2008 Presidential campaign trail. [href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/strange_eyes/"
target="_blank">SE]



Lying presidents? Loss of freedoms? International embarrassment?
Unnecessary war? These are not the issues that will get the
disenfranchised American voters to the booths. But the possibilty of a
muscle-man cage match for the Oval Office in 2008? That will SURELY
get the voters to the polling booths (or their local arena).



Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 16, 2004
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Hold On to Your Bits and Pieces   


Seems there's a new trend. People's href="http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_76570.html"
target="_blank">body [target="_blank">LF] href="http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/wwn/20040413/10818684000
4.html" target="_blank">parts [target="_blank">ASA] are exploding.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 16, 2004
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|

Once Again...   


Scott Adams href="http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-
20040416.html" target="_blank">has seen right into my brain.



In other news, you might have noticed there are no Friday Follies
today. That's because instead of link mining last night I went to see
Azumi at the href="http://www.phillyfests.com/pff/templates/home.cfm"
target="_blank">Philadelphia Film Festival. There are two more
screenings, and I recommend that you local folks see it if you can. It
was fun, exciting, stylish (there was some really clever usage of
computer technology) and the protagonist was a chick with a
sword. (Awesome!) It also had some of the most entertaining
psychopaths I have ever seen in a movie.



As an added bonus, there are ninjas. And if ninjas weren't enough (and
this should be of particular interest to you, Aghrivaine): there is
also a ninja dressed like a monkey.


That's right. Monkey ninja.



Who could ask for anything more from a movie?





Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 16, 2004
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|

When Is American Going to Be Ready for Fantasy Again?   


I'm so distressed by the growing menace that is reality TV. I've just
read about this new one: href="http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271|87495|1|,00.h
tml" target="_blank">The One That Got Away - - [href="http://www.popcultablog.com/" target="_blank">PC]:
What happens when you put a guy with a high opinion of
himself in a house with seven of his ex-girlfriends? ...This show takes
all of the ingredients of great reality television -- the romance, the
arguments, the tears and the gut-wrenching decisions -- and plays it
all out from beginning to end" in one show, executive producer Bob
Kusbit (MTV's "TRL") says


Well, at least it only lasts for one night.


I think they should rename it "Recipe for Disaster."

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 15, 2004
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|

*Good Grief*   


Rest
in Peace, Charlie Brown
. - [href="http://jerz.setonhill.edu/weblog/index.jsp"
target="_blank">JLW]


Don't worry. It only stings a little. Then your brain will go numb
with denial...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 15, 2004
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|

Looks Like Those All Night Gaming Sessions...   


href="http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/nation/8431487.htm?
1c" target="_blank">weren't a waste afterall! [href="http://www.dashes.com/links/" target="_blank">ADdl]

Take
that fresh air and need to develop real life interpersonal skills!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 15, 2004
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|

At Last! It All Makes Sense   


The
Annotated We Didn't Start the Fire
. - [href="http://linkfilter.net/" target="_blank">Lf]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 15, 2004
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|

The Internet: It's Not Just for Porn Anymore   


I've noticed a proliferation of informational sites cropping up on
blogs this week. You should read them.


You might learn stuff. (I have heard knowing stuff can be very sexy.
Let me know how it works out.)


  • Political:

    • target="_blank">Ranking of US Presidents.. - [href="http://www.tommcmahon.net/" target="_blank">TM]

    • And so they don't feel left out: href="http://www.vicepresidents.com/"
      target="_blank">Vicepresidents.com. - [href="http://www.tommcmahon.net/" target="_blank">TM]




  • Pop Culture:



  • Religion:


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 13, 2004
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    |

    ANNOUNCEMENT   


    Blarg. This weather bites.



    That is all.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 13, 2004
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    Dress Me Up in Your Love...Or Yards of Black Tulle   


    So, this weekend I will be aquring tickets for href="http://www.draculasball.com" target="_blank">Dracula's Ball.
    It takes place in late May, and I will be attending with my good
    friend and href="http://www.sarcasmoscorner.com/2003_08_01_archive.html#10610918090
    2294646" target="_blank">horror movie buddy Lyn. We've been trying
    to make one of these events for quite some time.


    Why?


    Good question.


    Let's face it, although I do wear a great deal of black (so much
    so that it is a matter of group discussion anytime I wear a bright
    color to the office) I'm not exactly the Goth type. For starters, I
    can barely be bothered to do basic cosmetic functions in the morning
    (e.g. putting on lipstick and eyeliner, brushing my hair, changing out
    of my pajamas) to face the norms; the Goth look is just too much work.
    Also, I like smiling. And laughing. And I'm lazy. (They say it takes
    fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and I'm all about the
    conservation of energy). I realize that the Goth culture isn't all
    about doom and gloom - but it's very rare I see the walking undead
    giggling.



    So, back to the why. Because I have this thing. About vampires. I
    think they're sexy. A bit status quo, I know, but nonetheless
    true. (Ed.: I also seem to have a facination about myths about
    defying death: vampires, King Arthur, religious stories - I am drawn to
    them all. There is probably a lesson in that. But that's another blog
    post for another time.)

    I collect vampire movies, myths, fiction and toys. I own a hardcover
    (reprint) version of target="_blank">Varney the Vampire. (Admittedly, I haven't
    read all four volumes. This penny dreadful is heavy on the
    dreadful). I know who href="http://hjem.get2net.dk/the_cellar/bathory.htm"
    target="_blank">Elizabeth Bathory is. I know that href="http://www.english.upenn.edu/~nauerbac/crml.html"
    target="_blank">Carmilla Karnstein
    haunted literary pages
    before Count Dracula ever made an appearance. I used to play City
    of Darkness
    , a target="_blank">MUD based on Vampire: The
    Masquerade
    .I am even seriously considering spending good money
    on custom made
    fangs
    . (For what? I don't know. I wouldn't wear them on
    Halloween because they are no good for eating and drinking. And I
    don't LARP, so unless I am
    considering them for everyday wear, they certainly wouldn't be useful.
    But I want them.)



    Also, it's a party; it looks like fun. And I know href="http://www.sarcasmoscorner.com/2003_02_01_archive.html#90277368"
    target="_blank">from experience I can hold my own on the Goth dance
    floor.



    Despite all this, I have an issue here, and I need your help: I
    have no idea what to wear.



    All black, sure, that's easy. Obvious, really. But judging from the
    target="_blank">guest photos from previous balls, a black blouse
    and black jeans aren't going to make the cut.



    I've studied up on href="http://www.vamp.org/Gothic/Text/makeup.html"
    target="_blank">Make-
    up tips for the Bleak, and I have a decent effects make-up kit so I
    am not too worried about appropriate make-up. The trouble here is the
    costume. For one thing, I don't have an elaborate scarlet ballgown
    hanging in my closet. And as the more generous among you might define
    my build as Rubenesque - the waifish-thrift-store-vampire-chic is out.


    What I need is are ideas for inexpensive, curve-friendly garb for a
    stylish vamp about town.


    Help me, blog readers. You're my only hope.


    PS: Anyone else going to this thing?

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 13, 2004
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    |

    Oh, Bother   


    Potter Puppet Pals - [M&C]


    Hee hee. Bothering looks like fun!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 12, 2004
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    |

    This Will Be Dangerous...And Expensive   


    Hold onto your aggregators, kids eBay now offers your item searches as RSS feeds. Like I wasn't already glued to my newsreader...

    Update: Was asked to update the link. Now look for it at www.freebiddingtools.com

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 12, 2004
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    |

    Brilliant!   


    The Comic Book Periodic Table of the Elements
    Thanks YrPoppyBean!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 12, 2004
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    |

    Monday Morning Madness   



    • Monday Morning Quiz: Here


    • They Ain't Goin' Down Like Punks: Alvin and the Chipmunks as you've never seen them before. NOT ESPECIALLY WORK SAFE - WATCH AND LISTEN WITH CAUTION. - [m&c]


    • Aigh! *Smash* Argh!: These are the sounds I make playing Cave of Death - [Mv]


    • Juicy Fish & Carrots: Just too cute. - [VM]


    • Finally! Someone Heard My Plea: A while back, I complained that services like Friendster and orkut were missing an entire market: a way to keep track of one's enemies. Thanks to Haterster now I can. I mean, we can. - [Believe it or not, I found this through orkut; oh sweet irony.]

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 11, 2004
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    |

    My Upcoming Life of Penury   


    I hate taxes.


    That is all.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 11, 2004
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    |

    Things You Wish You'd Done Differently?   


    Now's your chance to start with a clean slate.


    Re-live your life with target="_blank">Alter-Ego.


    Right now, I'm enjoying my infancy just fine. - [href="http:/www.madville.com" target="_blank">Mv]

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 09, 2004
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    |

    Do My Bidding!   


    Give orders to the Subservient Chicken.


    I love obedient poultry.


    So far he's done a handstand for me, and taken a bow.

    I could do this all day. He apparently does not know the Charleston. (Technically as a chicken, I suppose it could be a she...)


    Once again credit to Mac, for finding fun stuff!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 08, 2004
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    |

    Teaching Violence With Violence   


    Performers Whip Easter Bunny At Church Play.


    Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn't meant to be offensive...


    Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman...

    I would like to have been at that meeting when church leaders came together and one of them said, "Let's whip the Easter Bunny. That will teach them to respect Jesus." and then everyone else agreed.



    Thanks, Feanor for sending me this link.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 08, 2004
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    Autonmy? Shotomy!   


    Sure, The
    Sims
    went along way in letting me act our my frustrated Empress
    of the Universe fantasies, and target="_blank">Black and White even went so far to gave me
    divine status (through which I learned I do not want to be the
    Goddess of Micromanagement); but now there is Ctrl-Shift.Net, which will could allow
    me to control the actions of an actual human being.


    Ctrl-shift is a multi player online game that gives its
    players collaborative control over my freewill. The goal of the game is
    to fulfill a series of game missions that take place in the real world,
    in real time. Players attempt to collectively complete these missions
    by suggesting and voting for actions for me to perform, in response to
    live streaming video broadcast from wireless hotspots around New York
    City.

    I envision a meta-quest, where the hero attempts to play a video game,
    and we all scream at him about what he should do. Not unlike playing
    video games at home, only with strangers.



    Via target="_blank">Kotte.


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 07, 2004
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    |

    The Truth Inside the Lie   


    I've been reading the news, and I am beginning to wonder if href="http://www.stephenking.com" target="_blank">Stephen King
    wasn't on to something...



    • And Her Fury: href="http://www.wnbc.com/news/2979247/detail.html"
      target="_blank">Unmanned car runs over owner. Several times. - [href="http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/013184.html"
      target="_blank">DBB]

    • Back off!! Just back off!!: href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?
      tmpl=story&cid=570&ncid=753&e=6&u=/nm/20040405/sc_nm/life_italy_fires_dc
      " target="blank">The Sicilian town of Canneto Di Caronia keeps bursting
      into flame.

    • And He'll Enjoy You: href="http://www.planetark.com/dailynewsstory.cfm/newsid/24582/story.htm
      " target="_blank">Vampire Bats Kill 13.



    Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 07, 2004
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    |

    An Open Letter to John Ashcroft and his Thought Police   


    Dear Mr. Ashcroft et all:



    I know the American public has been fairly complacent re: href="http://www.issues2000.org/Celeb/John_Ashcroft_Civil_Rights.htm"
    target="_blank">your slowly-but-surely whittling away our civil
    rights. After all, as all Good Americans know, the Rest of the
    World is Full of Evil, and unless a topic is discussed on a sitcom or
    reality TV, it simply Is Not True.


    We are a well-brainwashed nation. I do not doubt that we are easily
    led.



    But now, I fear, you have finally crossed soporific line. href="http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bal-
    te.obscenity06apr06,0,3004361.story?coll=bal-home-headlines"
    target="_blank">Take away our porn, will you? And use our
    money
    to do it?


    I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mr. Ashcroft; this might
    just be the offense that convinces the American public that you and the
    current administration are using political offices and taxpayer funds
    to advance your own moral and religious agenda.


    And without their porn to distract them, folks aren't going to like
    it.


    I mean, that's our porn money your assistants are using to view
    surf XXX web sites all day.


    Do I like getting unsocilitaed porn and viagra ads in my e-mail box?
    No. Do I enjoy snowballing porn pop-unders invading my monitor? Of
    course not. Do I like paying for porn in a hotel room or from my
    internet cable supplier? Sometimes (I mean, let's face it, some of
    that porn isn't worth the $12 price tag). Is porn offensive? On
    occassion. (Particularly if you are hoping for anything regarding a
    coherent plot or decent dialogue.)


    The difference there, Mr. Ashcroft, is when the access to porn is mine
    to control. I am a big girl. I have a job, I vote, and I pay my
    taxes. I am aware of (not ashamed by) my sexuality, and recognize it's
    relationship to my society and culture. I am able to discern the
    difference between fantasy and reality (I can watch these movies
    without subsequently molesting the plumber, my building superintendent,
    or random repairman). I am fully capable of making porn-related
    decisions.


    And spending my own porn money.


    With all due respect, Mr. Ashcroft, I respect your right not to dance,
    smoke, drink alcohol and caffiene, or look at pornography. I would
    like to think that, as a fellow American, you can respect my right to
    do the absolute opposite.



    Hugs and kisses,

    Sarcasmo


    Thanks Mac
    for the heads up on this story.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 07, 2004
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    |

    Things That Make You Go Ewww....   


    Things to fascinate and disgust you. I just can't keep stuff like this
    to myself. I had to share:


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, April 07, 2004
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    It's Like a Blackberry, Only Dorkier   


    This is what
    happens when you let your inner tech geek hold the purse strings when
    cellphone & organizer shopping; the target="_blank">Danger Hiptop (aka the Tmobile Sidekick). And
    it's mine (*insert manical laughter here*) all mine!



    Less of a practical cellphone and more of a tech happy toy, this cute
    little device entirely owns me. It's a phone! It's a web browser! It's
    an organizer! It's a clock! It's a game device! It's an
    SSH/Terminal! It's plays music and flashes different colors! It is so
    cute that it belongs in the hands of some uniform wearig, pig-tail
    sporting anime character supergirl; not in hands of graceless, pig-tailess me.

    But she can't have it. No sir.



    This morning I answered email and read href="http://www.bloglines.com/mobile" target="_blank">Bloglines on
    my busride to work. (Can anyone recommend any other PDA friendly
    sites? I have been able to read pretty much anything I've wanted to so
    far, but PDA friendly stuff seems to resolve faster.)

    I AM
    SUPERCONNECTED!


    I swear I am just days away from realizing I have become href="http://lain.angelic-trust.net/" target="_blank">Lain.


    I think from now on I will call my phone, "Navi."

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 06, 2004
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    Kingdom of Loathing   


    Ack! Where is target="_blank">Kingdom of Loathing?!? You can't just give me a
    taste than take it away like that. I'm addicted.


    Things could get ugly.



    Ack!



    Update: Ok. It seems to be back on line now. Whew!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 06, 2004
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    With a Little Help from My Friends   



    Sarcas-sis directed me to this target="_blank">very cool photo blog. When I next have the time to
    update, I will be adding it to the Photo Blog page, but I wanted to
    give it some front page attention too.



    Also when I next update, I will include an RSS subscription option,
    courtesy of target="_blank">Accidental Angel, who has informed me that not all
    newsreaders can parse the Atom feed.


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, April 06, 2004
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    Get the Tan You Want, Without Ever Having to Venture Out into the Big Blue Room   


    with Cybertan. I hear it drives the chatroom grrls wild.- [PS

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 05, 2004
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    Too Much Sleep? No Such Thing in My World   


    Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
    Sarcasmo's Lurgy
    Cause:too much sleep
    Symptoms:halo, colour blindness, sniffing
    Cure:electroshock therapy
    Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

    - [B]

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 05, 2004
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    I Will Not Stay Up and Stone All Night, I Will Not Stay Up and Stone All Night, I Will Not Stay Up and Stone All Night   


    I've solved three, that's right, count'em three Stone puzzles this evening. I am the puzzle master.



    I realize that for those of you who don't play the The Stone, this post makes very little sense. But believe me, those that do play completely understand the awesome surge of power and adrenaline that comes from solving three puzzles in a row.



    Fear me, for my brain is mighty!


    And tired. But mostly might!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, April 05, 2004
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    A Very Special Message from Your Washing Instructions   


    Très drôle. Merveilleux!. - [GF]

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 04, 2004
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    Monday Morning Madness   




    • Monday Morning Quiz: You know you can't resist.


    • Multimedia Madness!: For your entertainment:

      • Cool photo fun video from Sam Bisbee: You Are Here - [JWB]

      • The Mario Theme as You've Never Heard it Before: On Electric Guitar (impressive!) - [ErB]

      • Check out the Star Trek song stylings of Warp 11. (I'm scared because after listening to their MP3s I think they kinda rock. Clearly, there is no hope for me.) - [C]

      • Behold, if you dare: the Most Evil Car Commercial Ever (I rather like it) - [dph]

      • I AM DUM: Logic puzzles from Plasticina. 1-3 are currently available for public play (although solutions are members only). 1 was a snap, 2 took me an embarrassingly long time to finish, and three currently has me stumped. Grrr. - [MV]

      • Quotable!: The Daily .Wav.



    • "You've Got Mail. But I Bet it's All SPAM, because no one likes you.": I'm sure El Edwards ("The Voice of You've Got Mail!") had nothing but benign thoughts of profit when he started his customized email alert messages service; but I for one am having a hard time resisting the urge to order strange and disheartening messages and surreptitiously install them on AOL users machines. (This would be more fun if he didn't refuse to use "foul language" or denegrate AOL..but that's ok. I'm creative). - [LM]


    • Fun with Fiction: Reading Two Books at Once? Combine Them. - [CT]. Here's some of my own concoctions:

      • Sweet Valley High Fidelity: The twins, having failed out of college and too immature and self-centered for self-actualization or true romance drown their sorrows in hip, hyper-self-aware-post-modernism and Indy music.

      • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Soup: Hungry young boy learns he's a wizard, scams muggles into giving him free food using practical sense, reverse psychology, a plain old boiled rock, and by giving random bullies piggie tails.

      • The Cider House Rules: Strangely specific dating advice for women seeking to net themselves a man, an orchard, and an orphanage.

      • Bertie Wooster Sees it Through the Looking Glass: Jeeves patented, post-baccanalia "pick-me-up" sends Bertie on a psychedlic trip of which his Aunt Dahlia would most certainly not approve.



      Surely you can come up with some others?



    Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 04, 2004
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    grumble grumble *YAWN* *STRETCH* grumble grumble   


    Stupid sleepstealing daylight savings....

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, April 04, 2004
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    I Cannot Resist   



    The sweet siren's song of target="_blank">The Stone. It's learning and goofing off all rolled
    into one!


    Special note to vetran Stoners...there are tons more puzzles to be
    had.



    Also, my brain hurts. That is all.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 02, 2004
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    A Special Hello To Eugene, Oregon...   



    ...where Sarcasmo's Corner is (apparently) target="_blank">Blog of the Day.


    Coolie.


    Suppose I should work on generating some content then....


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, April 02, 2004
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    Friday Follies   


    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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    Fool Me Once, Shame On You...   


    For those of you who are interested, here is an on-going list of href="http://www.urgo.org/aprilfools.html" target="_blank">April Fool's Day
    jokes and pranks
    online.


    In other news, Google is
    still maintaining that target="_blank">Gmail is href="http://www.forbes.com/technology/newswire/2004/04/01/rtr1320652.html"
    target="_blank">completely
    href="http://doc.weblogs.com/2004/04/01#excuseMeWhileITakeThisChainOffMyNeck
    " target="_blank">legitimate
    .

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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    Won't You Come and Sing With Me?   


    Despite having been together nigh on ten years (and married for five), href="http://www.funkbunny.com/datatype" target="_blank">Pop Culture Boy
    and I actually enjoy one another's company. It's just one of the
    many ways our relationship defies convention.

    As such, we make an
    concerted effort to schedule dedicated time in our hyper-active social
    calendar for the occasional tete a tete. Last night, after having
    been trying to arrange a night alone for the past week to no avail, we
    begged out of our weekly movie night and stole off to engage in our new
    secret, guilty pleasure: A bourgeois, smoke-filled, cave-like lounge; over
    priced drinks, wall-to-wall yuppies, and all the AM Gold classics you can
    are embarrassed to admit you know: The Piano Bar.



    Sure, the pianst tends to play abridged versions of songs at three times
    their regular speed, and yes, he does somehow manage to make everything, from
    Sintra standards to Beatles ballads sound like they were originally done by
    Jimmy Buffett; but he is affable, the crowd is friendly, and you can sing at
    the top of your lungs and no one will take offense. In fact, it is
    encouraged!


    Our first forray to the piano bar was accidental. We went out to dinner
    several weeks ago, and PCB was in desperate need of post - work
    decompression, so we stalked the weeknight streets trying to find something
    to do (harder than you'd think in a major metropolitan area). We stopped
    into the crowded, boisterous room with the thought of a quick drink and a
    laugh, and ended up singing and drinking the night away.



    Last night was a little different. The crowd was smaller, more subdued. We
    got there early and managed to score a seat at the "piano" (a fake
    baby-grand housing an electronic keyboard). The pianist dubbed us "Couple
    #1" as we sat, sang, snuggled and laughed at our own private in-jokes.



    The establishment itself is just below street level, and sports a long
    horizontal window that faces the street. Passerbys glance in with
    curiousity from time-to-time, giving patrons a little insight of what it
    must feel like to live in an aquarium. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, or
    the influence of href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0670031666/102-6854889-7
    141750?v=glance" target="_Blank">the book
    I am currently reading for my
    bookclub, but more than likely it was just my own inherent rambunctiousness;
    but I was overcome with the urge to make faces at/wave to the people on the
    street. I declared my intentions to Pop Culture Boy, then proceeded to give
    a friendly, smiling wave to the gentlman who was looking in the window. He
    smiled and waved back. "Maybe now he'll come in and sit with us and be our
    friend," I teased PCB.



    One should always be careful what they prophesi.



    In he walked, with his dog (and adorable white kissing shitzu with a
    cape and rhinestone collar ), which he proceeded to plop down in the stool
    next to mine. He ordered himself a Coke, his dog some water in a martini
    class, and warned everyone that Kong (said dog), was viscious.



    In all fairness to Kong, he was very well behaved, staying in his stool and
    flirting with all the girls. And in all fairness to me, the gentlmen (and
    dog) in question seemed to be regulars, so I probably wasn't responsible for
    bringing them inside. Still, I stopped waving to strangers just to be on
    the safe side.



    I didn't stop singing, however. One woman who was singing with us at the
    piano commented "You know the words to all the songs." It made me
    laugh because I remember a high school friend once pressing the presets on
    his car radio in rapid succession until he finally exclaimed "Aren't there
    any songs you don't know?!?" (I don't know why he didn't just say
    "Could you please stop singing along to the radio?" Seemed the easier way
    to go about things.)


    The truth is, I don't know all the words to all the songs. I do know
    most of the words to many songs, and the entire chorus to just about
    any song I've ever heard. (This is why choosing a karoke song is so
    traumatizing for me. I am afraid I'll get up there knowing how the chorus
    goes...and freeze when it comes to the rest of the song.)


    I can't help it. According to my baby book, songs were the first thing I
    picked up, language wise. And I come from a sing-along-to-the-radio family.
    (I didn't realize this was unusual until recently, when two of my cousins
    rode somewhere with myself, my parents and sisters. There the five us of
    were, singingly along, unabashed, while my cousins sat by quietly (and
    looking a little scared)). In this way, the piano bar suits me perfectly.
    I can sing along without persecution and no one can hear me well
    enough to know that I faked my way through the second verse (same as the
    first).



    Of course, having this outlet didn't stop me from singing an accapella
    version Moondance on the street as we made our way home; nor will it
    stem my proclivity for dancing and singling along to Muzak in supermarkets,
    elevators, and shopping malls, but it does give me one more place to
    do it without fear of being arrested for creating a public nuisance.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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    Forget Gmail   



    I want target="_blank">this Google job.


    Oh, wacky Google.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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    This is Why April Fool's Day Irritates Me   


    I can never tell whether or not stuff like href="http://gmail.google.com/" target="_blank">Gmail is for real.



    On the one hand, a free email service that provides 1000 megabytes of free
    storage to users seems unlikely, even from the fine folks at href="http://www.google.com" target="_blank">Google. On the other, they
    are talking about "relevant text ads and links" being included,
    and their target="_blank">about FAQ is fairly extensive.



    And why would you put out a press release on April 1st?! Curse you Google
    and your playful nature!

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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    Yes, Yes, It's April Fool's Day   



    And no. I'm not going to bother.

    Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, April 01, 2004
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