Back to the Grind   

To all my American readers: I hope you had a lovely Memorial Day. To all readers from elsewhere, I hope you had a lovely Monday.

As Monday was a holiday here, and I will have to play catch-up on real-life this Tuesday, Monday Morning Madness will likely be post-poned till Wednesday.

Yes, well, I'm sorry. That's just the way it is. Life isn't always fair.

I will get to it sooner if I can.

In other news...painting is fun...but gosh does it hurt! I'm stiff everywhere.

Also, to anyone who comes over...the parts where the paint is really uneven and appears to be inexpertly applied...that's a faux finish. Very classy. (That's my story, at least, and I'm sticking to it!)

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 31, 2004
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A Call for Arms (and the Hands Attached to Them)!   

As part of Operation Make-the-Best-of-an-Unfortunate-Situation (or Operation Soon - the - Apartment - Will - Be - Mine - All - Mine - Mwu - Ha - Ha - Ha!), I've begun painting. Mostly the walls--but in some cases the floor, my clothing, my sneakers, and my self. I'm an equal opportunity painter/giant-mess-maker.

Will the help of Sarcasmom, I came back cash poor and triumphant from Home Depot yeterday with enough paint to cover all of Center City Philadelphia. (Or, at the very least, my kitchen, my half-bath, my office-to-be, and an accent wall in my living room.)

That's a lot of paint for one woman to handle.

And, as it turns out, I'm a really crappy painter.

So, if you like to scrape, paint, tape, watch paint dry, or ponder how I can perch that way on a ladder and not end up being a candidate for the Darwin Awards, feel free to come on over and lend a hand! I'll be painting all day today (Memorial Day), most likely Wednesday and Thursday night this week, and the following Saturday and Sunday. I'd love the help, instruction, and even just company.*

Think about it: How many changes are you going to have in your life to see me covered in latexy-goodness?

*Please note that if you come over just to hang out and keep me company, no mocking of my painting talents (or lack thereof) is permitted. You can mock me when I'm not doing manual labor anytime.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 31, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 27, 2004
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Well...What Do You Know?   

target="_blank">Clown Porn (a favorite Sarcasmo's Corner topic)
made the news....- [target="_blank">LPWN]

No wonder some people are scared of clowns...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 27, 2004
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How To Treat a Book   

target="_blank">This story on how to properly treat and care for
your books is close to my heart (particularly as I am preparing to
reorganize my books in preparation to move them into my soon-to-be
library.) -[target="_blank">LLoD]

Important points include:

  • How to clean a book

  • How to remove a book from a shelf without causing damage

  • How to properly turn pages

Much of this may seem like common sense to most of you, but I've seen
many books poorly treated. Last Friday a girl on the bus started a
conversation with me because she noticed we were both reading href="" target="_blank">Reading Lolita
in Tehran
. While we dicussed what a great book it is for
readers, it took almost all my self-control not to admonish her; I had
seen her fold the corner of a page in order to save her place in the
book just that morning.

Bookmarks are a books best friend. (A spare piece of paper will also
work in a pinch.)

My favorite part of the article:

Hoyem adds a cautionary note: "Books benefit by use," he
says, "so preserving books doesn't mean not reading them."

That's also a personally philosophy of mine (which I inherited from my
bibliophile Dad).

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 27, 2004
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For Yags...   

and all my other gamer friends:

target="_blank">20 and href="
TYVGS6300" target="_blank">10
sided plush dice. - [href="">ErB]

If someone gets me these, I promise to use them in the next campaign I

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 27, 2004
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The Duck Art Museum - [JWB]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 26, 2004
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I May Have to Turn in My Pessimism Badge After All   

My life philosophy isn't necessarily the sunniest one: I usually plan
for the worst, and hope for the best. Some folks may think this makes
me a pessimist. I like to think it make me a realist.

I overheard something on the bus yesterday which makes even my outlook
seem bright and chipper:

Woman One: "Listen, I have some good's advice my
sister put on my wedding video... 'Don't expect anything, and you won't
be disappointed.'"

Woman Two: "Exactly. If you don't expect things then you don't
get aggravated, and you have no stress."

I think this may be the most miserable view on life I've ever heard.
It's one thing to be flexible. Quite another to be a doormat.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 25, 2004
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My Weekend...A Retrospective   

This weekend target="_blank">Sarcasmom and I finished my dress for href="" target="_blank">Dracula's
Ball. (I am still debating whether or not to post pre-ball dress
pictures). The dress is Renaissance inspired, with some Victorian
touches. (I figure if anyone can be anarchonistic, a vampire can.)
All I need to do now is but the finishing touches on my bag, design my
makeup, and get some shoes; then I'll be a pretty pretty princess.

Well, a pretty pretty undead princess, anyway.

On target="_blank">her blog, Sarcasmom called me a "sewing diva"
because this time I actually dared to use the href=""target="_blank">dreaded
machine. What she neglects to mention is that: I frequently had to
rethread the needle, sent the thread spiraling off the spindle when I
tried to load the bobin, somehow overheated the pedal, and sewed the
side of the dress to the back to the dress while adding
detailing....twice. Let us not even mention my attempts at the

Sarcasmom is a woman of great sewing knowledge and infinite

Prior to the sewfest, I spent most of Saturday suffering for my sins of
Friday night. Let me just say that although Friday night was great
fun, Saturday afternoon was not pretty.

However, to my Friday night partner-in-crime, regarding the
conversation we were having about women in the workplace and the
corporate mindset: to the question "When a woman reaches thirty and
hasn't discovered God or the PTA, what does she have?," the answer
is "Infinite Possibilities."

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 24, 2004
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There Are Days When I Want to Weep for Mankind   

This is one of them.

target="_blank">Homer's "Iliad" now in messenger speak.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 24, 2004
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Ah! *This* is Why I Should Have Children   

So, I was poking around on IKEA's website (in preparation for an upcoming shopping expedition), and I came across this page about checking out purchases in the store.

Read the text, and look at the picture. Go ahead. I'll wait....

(*drums fingers lazily on desk*)

Everyone back? Good.

Does it seem to anyone else that this woman is trying to barter her child for affordable Swedish furnishings?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 24, 2004
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Every red button has its purpose. With that in mind, check out Disco Inferno. (Hey, I said I have simple tastes...which is just another way of saying I am easily amused...) - [PS]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 23, 2004
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Proof That I Have Simple Tastes?   

The Museum of Chimpography makes me unbearably happy. - [UT]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 23, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

Holy Monkeys, it's hot. Blech.

  • Monday Morning Quiz Madness: Take itl here.

  • Mash-Up Madness: Hrybrid Fruit & Chimera; two fun contests from Worth 1000

  • Monty Python Madness:: Eric Idle has a cheery little ditty about the FCC. Download it here (but listen with your headphones on.) - [SB]

  • Music Madness: Tricky quiz. Do you know your way from Abba to Zappa. I only got a silver star. - [MF]

  • My Madness:


    - [ytyssbisyn]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 23, 2004
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Please Leave a Comment   

if you can see this post. It has been suggested to me that my DNS has broken again...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, May 21, 2004
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Testing Hello

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Thank goodness for the weekend. Here's a few things to get you there...

  • No Mystery Here: 's What sort of things would DaVinci invent/paint if he were alive today? is simply beautiful (and there's an Eddie Izzard reference to boot!) - [JWB]

  • Simply Hypnotic: Pushy. Once you start, it's hard to stop (I think it's because of his calm, nearly benevolent gaze...). - [PS]

  • What Can I Say?: I'm a suck for word puzzles. Especially this kind - [LF]

  • Be Careful What Celebrity You Mention on Your Blog...: Or the world at large might assume you are him, know him, or how to get in touch with him. I love that the internet is available to all people (with access to a computer and modem)...but things like this make me feel like posting comments should be a licensed pratice. - [MF]

  • Now That Angel Is Over: Here are some good questions for fans of the Sunnydale universe to mull over.

  • Best. Commercial.: Ever - ]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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If You're Looking for Something To Get Me for My Birthday...   

target="_blank">One of these would do nicely.

Thanks to target="_blank">Pop Culture Boy for sending this my way...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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I Love Me Some Good Carbs   

Everyone's so down on carbs lately. Food manufactures are touting their low-carbyness (beer,chocolate, Cracker Barrel). Even pseudo-punk-princess Avril Lavigne is getting in on the act, claiming her patened angry lyrics were the result of too many carbs in her diet. - [AAG21stC] (And what a loss it will be to the music world and poetry now that she's eating "healthy.")

Well, the Amateur Gourmet says enoughs enough, and has declared today National Carbs Awareness Day:
America is choking down this anti-carbohydrate propoganda and the food community is in an uproar. At least this member is!

Look, I understand how hard it is to lose weight. I have a mother and grandmother who dieted my whole childhood--everything from weight watchers to Suzanne Summers to Oprah to Donahue and back--and I know that the process can be devastatingly slow and results can be slim. But I can't help but believe that this no-carb diet is a bad thing. Anything in excess is a bad thing. Cutting a food group completely out of your life is a bad thing.

Not only that, the impact is significant. Carbohydrate-based companies like Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and Panera Bread are losing money. Carb consumption is becoming taboo. Bread sits uneaten on the table. Pasta and pizza joints are firing waiters. Lauren and I went to Osteria tonight and the waiters outnumbered the customers.

I went to Osteria tonight, actually, to prove a point. The point is this: I want carbs. I like carbs. Carbs are good.

He's right, you know. Carbs are good.

In the end, I'm all for moderation in all things. So, yes, watch what you eat, but don't eschew an entire food group in lieu of learning some self control!

Today, of all days, let's remember our carbs, dear friends. Have a big plate of french fries, or a heaping pile of nachos; whatever you think might send the protein patrol running. Tomorrow you can can have your pound of bacon as penance, but celebrate carbs today. [Via LTR]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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When Movie Monsters Collide   

I'm the first to admit, I loved the blood-soaked-cheese-fest that was Freddy vs. Jason (saw it in the theater...twice), but I'm not so sure how I feel about Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash. - [LS] After all, how many movie monsters can you jam into one film before you end up with a remake of Bud Abbott Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein?

Also, haven't both Freddy and Ash said "Give me some sugar?" And if so, would they say it to each other in the new movie?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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Smash the Alien   

Remember Grow? Well, the same find folks you brought us that addictive piece of animated wonderfulness now bring you Tontie_____EYEZMAZE.

It's similar to Whack-a-mole...but with new rules being added each level you'll find it both addictive and challenging. - [#/u/b/g]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 20, 2004
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Codename: Girly Girl   

Whenever I wear a skirt to work (usually due to a lack of clean
laundry), I feel like I'm in disguise. Look at me! I'm dressed like a
girl! (tee hee)

Today you can call me Secret Agent Sarcasmo.

This webpage will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 19, 2004
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But Then What Do You EAT WIth?   

Courtesy of Tony at Between Coffees: flysui. As he said: "thought this might help you waste an otherwise productive day."

And it did. Thanks, Tony!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 19, 2004
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Some Days I Worry for Humanity   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 18, 2004
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Nature? Nurture? Who Knows?   

There's no denying (no matter how hard we try) that our parents'
personalities insinuate themselves into our own.

For example, I have picked up the following traits from my father:

  • a love for a cartoons

  • the desire to see good in people

  • an appreciation for cheesy kung-fu and horror movies

  • an even greater appreciation for good horror movies

  • that it's important to think for myself

  • that being a nice person can open many doors

  • science fiction fandom (although I daresay I take it farther than
    he does)

  • an almost pathological passion for books and reading

From my mother I got:

  • my looks (seriously, she couldn't deny me if she tried)

  • the ability to stay calm in the face of crisis

  • my sense of humor (including a dry, sarcastic wit)

  • my private nature

  • clumsiness

  • a prediliction for puzzles

  • a keen sense of observation

  • my ability and desire to write

It is due to this last item that I, along with Sarcas-sis and her
hubby, got my mother her own blog for Mother's Day: href="" target="_blank">Wednesdays Off. (Of
couse, Sarcas-sis and her hubby gave the additional gift of a future
grand-child--talk about sibling one-up-manship!) You can find it in
the newly-formed "Family" section of my sidebar. And, of course, she
has her target="_blank">Atom feed (whether she wanted one or not).

So please stop by, say hello, and add Sarcas-mom to your daily reading

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 18, 2004
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If You Can Read This...   

then my DNS is propagating properly.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 17, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

  • Monday Morning Quiz: Take it here. Go know you want to.

  • Feeling Groggy This Morning?: This car commercial has got what you need to get your heart rate going. - [MV]

  • Is it Rock-a-Bye Baby or Rock-N-Roll?: It's a little of both at Mother Goose Rocks, where celebrity impersonators (Mad Donna, The Tallflowers, Punch Nose (Smash Mouth clones)) and more cover all your Nursery Rhyme hits. There's a good collection of MP3s and cartoons to cringe at and/or enjoy. - [JWB]

  • Boldy Going Forward: A medley of Star Trek links for your enjoyment:

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 16, 2004
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Welcome Back, Andy Kauffman   

Yes, I know he died 20 years ago, but I wanted to be prepared...just in case.

What would you say to a loved one upon learning that their death 20 years ago was all part of an elaborate practical joke?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 16, 2004
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There. That's Better   

Server switching madness seems to be over.

We now take you back to our regular program.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 16, 2004
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Please Excuse Our Dust   

Hi. I'm currently switching servers, so things will be a bit wonky for a bit. Thanks for your patience.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Saturday, May 15, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 13, 2004
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Well, Would You Look at That   

Looks like this has been a week for discoveries:

  • Cosmic: Scientists think they may have found a new planet orbiting a different star than our sun. And what's more, they've got a picture to prove it.. - [dph]

  • All Those Wonderful Books, Lost: Archaelogists may have found the site of the famed Library of Alexandria. I have always counted the burning of the Library of Alexandria as one of the most heart-wrenching moments in history. Actually, I have a secret fantasy that in the future I build a time machine, go back to ancient Alexandria and take all the books before Caesar can invade. Once all the books and scrolls were saved, of course, I would have to set fire to the library to stop any trace of my having been there. And that all that knowledge will be mine...all mine!

  • The Sangrael: Random drivel, or directions to the whereabouts fo the Holy Grail? It's a cryptographer's dream in the North of England. - [Via Wednesday's Off]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 13, 2004
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Growing Pains   

I'm in the middle of a server switch, so should the site go down for a day, don't panic. It will be up and running again soon.

I hope to have it all worked out by the weekend.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 13, 2004
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You Think Your Co-workers are Bad?   

Check out href="">hers> . - [target="_blank">FL]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 13, 2004
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Not Just for Cold Sandwhiches the Day After Anymore   

Wordsmith Kurt
offers a href=""
target="_bank">few words about The href="" target="_blank">USA, href="
">our Constitution, the href=""
target="_blank">Beatitudes, href=""
target="_blank">Confucious, and the href="" target="_blank">current US
Administration. And they are not of the happy variety:
"Human beings are chimpanzees who get crazy drunk on power.
By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger
of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle
East? Their morale, like so many bodies, is already shot to pieces.
They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for

It takes the long road to the point, but it's well worth the ride.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 13, 2004
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Your Blooper Reel   

At tonight's Movie Night, we watched Defending Your Life, a movie which postulates that humans must have defeated their fears in their mortal lifetime in order to move on to the next step in spiritual evolution.

In order to do this, they must stand trial before a committee, and justify a the variety of decisions, actions, and inactions that made up their lives. They do this by having their most embarrassing and humiliating moments screened for for all to see.

Believe it or not, this is a comedy.

At one point in the movie the prosecutor choose to show a collage of clips of the defendant's poorest decisions, most intense lack of judgement, and best pratt falls. Or as I like to think of it, their Blooper Reel.

I fear the day I must face my Blooper Reel.

We had a bit of a discussion post-film about our Blooper Reels in the making. There was general agreement that common (and yet embarrassing moments) such as the thoughtless, automatic responses (Friend: Hey! Happy Birthday. You: too! or Movie Usher: Enjoy your film. You: You too. etc...) would be high on everyone's lists. However, we must sheepishly admit, we'd all Big Blooper moments of our own.

Here's are some of the Blooper Reel moments in my life:

  • The Johnny Depp Saga, natch. Update: Link fixed. Thanks, Kurt.

  • I minored in theater (sorry Theatre Arts) in college. As such, I found myself working as an assistant stage manager for the first production of the play Karmic Soap Opera. The set involved many doors: on the walls, the floor, and so on. To stop the backstage area from being seen when the doors were opened during the performance, we lined the backstage area with scrims.

    Whereas this was great for hiding the backstage area from the audience, it was also a little too good at hiding it from the crew. On the night of the dress rehearsal, I was charged with fetching a prop the prop mistress had left behind. I turned at top speed to go get it...smack dab into one of the steel girders supporting the stage area.

    The clang was so loud people came from down the hall to see what happened.

    Lucky for me, I'm hard headed.

  • During the same production (karma is no good for me clearly), one of my jobs was to shimmy under the stage...on my back...on a my gloved hand (wielding a plot-important prop) could burst through one of the doors at the appropriate, comedically-timed moment.

    Not too difficult a task...but I had long hair at the time.

    Long hair + skateboard wheels = I got stuck.

    I am happy to say I managed to make my cue (just)...but the back of my scalp was none to pleased about it.

    And I wore my hair up for the remainder of the production.

  • I'm intensely no doubt my Blooper Reel would be replete with hours and hours of footage of me falling down; walking into door jambs; and bruising my legs on the corners of desk, tables, and other pointy-edge pieces of furniture.

    Why just 3 weeks ago I managed to twist my ankle (you know when you twist it so hard you feel nauseous? It was like that) so badly that it was sore for a fortnight. At the time I was doing nothing more complicated than walking down an evenly-paved, well maintained sidewalk. During the daytime. Wearing sneakers.

    It's nothing short of a miracle that I'm not up there defending myself right now.

What would be on your Blooper Reel?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 12, 2004
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There Seems to Be A Vortex in My Apartment   

Things I have lost in the past few days:

  • The sunglass clippy that attaches to my perscription glasses

  • My reversible belt that I wear almost daily

  • The ID badge I am required to wear at work

  • My blue shirt

  • My mind

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 12, 2004
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Sometimes I Think the Japanese   

do things just to befuddle the rest of us. - [LF]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 10, 2004
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I Love it When a Plan Comes Together   

When asked about my future child-rearing plans (which happens more and more often the futher one gets past 25) I take great pride in telling people that I have two sisters to do the actual child-birthing. My plan is to be the very cool aunt who travels the world, sends nieces and nephews exotic gifts, and takes them to all the hip-happenings when she's not globetrotting. (I have based this plan on two women I admire: Mame Dennis and Diana Trent*; sharp-shooting, agressive single women who speak their mind, travel the world, and bascially do as they please.)

Thanks to Sarcas-Sis (left), and hubby Tim, I am part way to my goal!

No, they have not given me the ability and cash to travel the world, but come this December they will be providing me with a niece and/or nephew to spoil silly. (Yes, look closely. The woman pictured there is going to be a mother. Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

This being the case, I have to get myself in gear. After all, in December I will have a little niece and/or nephew to start to ruin enrich.

Things I Must Do To Prepare for The Baby™

  • Figure out how to plan and organize an international baby shower

  • See about getting a baby cry translator

  • See if I can move up my schedule to try for trying to get an English teaching gig in Japan (where the child is to be born)

  • Start learning all the swear words I can in foreign languages so I can teach them to The Baby™ immediately after birth (language skills are important and can never be developed too early)

  • Start mentally cataloging all the embarrassing stories I can about my sister to tell The Baby™ on the sly.

  • (And lest my brother-in-law things he's off the hook) Start mentally cataloging all the embarrassing stories I can about my brother-in-law to tell The Baby™ on the sly. (I've known him since he was about 16. I have a few. Plus, his brother can help me.)

  • Improve my knitting skills so I can start making baby things (so far all I have mastered are scarves. Of course, The Baby™ is due in the winter..and baby scarves woulnd't take very long at all! Perhaps on second thought I will begin The Baby™'s Scarf Wardrobe)

  • Start making sure that everyone that child will come in contact with in their formative years pronounces the word "Aunt" aunt and not ant. I will not be anyone's "Ant"**

  • Decide whether to arrange for The Baby™ to have lifelong drum lessons, or lifetime accordian lessons...or both

  • Decide whether to get the baby a poo-flinging pet monkey, or a super-protective pet wolf welp that will think The Baby™ is part of it's pack...or both

  • Start The Baby™'s library

  • Think of a really good nickname for The Baby™ (Stinky, Snookums, Ralphy McRalpherton(if he/she is a ardent puker), Monkeyface) which I can use freely in front of their friends..especially when they are old enough to start dating

  • Give Debbie and Tim much love and support (and quite a bit of hell, too)

Many many many congratulations!

*Don't trouble yourself with the fact they are both fictional characters. I certainly don't.

**Also, I would consider Auntie but not Antie.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 09, 2004
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What to do, what to do...   

Blogger has just implemented their own commenting system. Do I switch? Hmmm...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 09, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

  • You're Not Dreaming: It's the Monday Morning Quiz.

  • USS Enterprise: Anyone who has been in a conversation about Star Trek, The Next Generation with me knows my feelings about Captain Picard. I'm all for having a brainy captain, but when your brain has been hijacked (and more than once!), it's time to step down from active duty. That being said, I just can't resist this short, catchyditty - [AoAG21stC]

  • Err...Wow: More slash fiction than you can shake a stick at; broken down by character, series, and type. Someone had a lot of time (and KLEENEX® Tissue) on their hands. - [MF]

  • Stand Back, Stand Back (Way Back): I find this frightening. - [UT]

  • This is the Only Time in History: I haven't found the Windows default sounds annoying. - [ASA]

  • :Things To Do Before You Die: A more realistic (and entertaining) list than most. - [GaB]

  • Back In Time: Celebrity Time Travel..some fun stuff from Worth 1000

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, May 09, 2004
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On the Road Again   

Greetings from somewhere just outside of Pittsburgh, PA!

Indulge me while I give a shout out to Sarcasmo Jr....after all she's
the reason I'm here...tomorrow she receives her Masters degree. I'm so
proud I'm fit to burst*. Congratulations!

Please feel free to fill the comment box with accolades. I'll make
sure she gets them.

*Forgive the colloquialism. It's this brings out
a little of the bumpkin in me.

Lest you doubt me, take a quick
gander at my moblog to see a picture of the Flax Scutching Festival
brochure the hotel I'm in offered in their local interest area.

Flax Scutching Festival. Sigh.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, May 07, 2004
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Ah, The Magic of Sequels   

The folks at Fark are
having some fun imaging future sequels in the href=""
target="_blank">Harry Potter franchise. - [href=""

Some of these are quite brill!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, May 07, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 06, 2004
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A Public Service Announcement   

Earlier I posted a link to the catchy little ditty Banaphone.

Had I known about the Aftermath I never would have subjected you to it.

Many apologies.
Note: Be sure to put your headphones on if you watch this at work.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 06, 2004
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Note to the Driver of That Black Car   

If I can hear your radio over my headphones your music is too

That is all.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 06, 2004
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All Those Things We've Never Done   

A little game, swiped from target="_blank">go fish, who in turn swiped it from some href=""
target="_blank">other href=""
Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can
be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened.
Then post this in your journal so that people can invent memories for

Go to it!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 06, 2004
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To Lazy to Generate Original Content Today   

Mind Hump -
Week 17

This week a "getting to know you" theme with an insane

First, a warm up. in celebration of our fresh and "Spring"y layout,
using the letters B-O-I-N-G reveal five things about yourself. You can
use just one word or just chatter, chatter, chatter. Either way, just
go crazy!

Now...we wouldn't leave you with just half a hump so here's the rest so
you can have the hump, the whole hump and nothing but the hump! Let's
hump, shall we?






(I'm being nice to myself today...)

  1. If your blog were scratch and sniff, what would it smell like?

    Chocolate, cheese, and the sweet, sharp stench of sarcasm.

  2. Which horror movie monster are you most like and why?

    Is there any answer to this question that wouldn't be
    depressing? Horror movie monsters tend to represent the darker side of
    our psyches...I mean there aren't really any party monsters.
    And is there any movie monster who doesn't suffer from abject lonliness
    and/or bearing the weight of being dreadfully misunderstood? Bah! This
    is an icky question.

    Let's see...if I must choose one, I'll say Anthony from the 3rd segment
    of Twilight Zone, the Movie. I seem harmless and can be sweet,
    but I'm also a wee bit coniving, and in my head the universe works
    exactly the way I want it to.

    Oh yes, and I love cartoons, too.

  3. If you were being sold in a Walmart, which department would you
    be in and what exactly would you be? Would you be on sale?

    Isn't everything on sale at Walmart?

    I would like to be either a slightly worn notebook in the school supply
    aisle, nestled between the fresh new ones...or a slightly used
    paperback in the books section (they sell books at Walmart, don't
    they? If not, then I'll be an target="_blank">Icee machine.)

  4. Earth, Wind, Fire and Water. Which element would you be. What
    form of that element would you be and why?

    I suspect I would be water; which is great, because water both calming
    and powerful, both nurturing and destructive. If I was water I'd be a
    large lake, with the ability to evaporate and eventually storm
    violently across the plains.

  5. What sitcom character (past or present) do you think you are
    most like and why?

    Probably one of the girls from href=""
    target="_blank">Square Pegs. Geeky girl. Glasses. Sadly
    did not grow up to look like Sarah Jessica Parker.

Ok folks, it's all you. Answer in the comments or on your blog (if on
your blog, let me know so I can see the answers).

And if you don't want to answer about you, answer about me. Or your
best-friend. A co-worker. That weird guy you see sometimes on the

C'mon. It beats workin'.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, May 06, 2004
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Because We Didn't Seem Dumb Enough   

Rick Mercer (whom I love), Talking to Americans. - [PS]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 05, 2004
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It's No Baloney   

What could be better than badgers? Badgers and Bananaphone! - [MS]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 05, 2004
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Close Your Eyes, Give Me Your Hand, Darlin. Do You See My Head Spinning? Do You Understand?   

From SciFi Wire:
Revolution Studios has optioned the comedy script Exorcism
for Dummies by first-time writers Susanna Hoffs Roach, Brian
Stampnitsky and Charley Stickney...

Roach is best known for being
the lead singer of the popular '80s band the Bangles...

Geeze, I know the version I did of Eternal Flame last time I
went to karoke was dreadful, but I didn't think it would chase Susanna
Hoffs right out of the music business!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 05, 2004
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God Bless the Papal Ambassador to Spain   

target="_blank">The papal ambassador to Spain has made a stunning
admission: The Vatican made a mistake in not supporting same-sex

- [Via Go

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, May 05, 2004
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Specially for My Friends   

"Your Mom" style jokes....for geeks. - [MV]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 04, 2004
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Me, Wise? Wisecracking, Maybe.   

The other day, Sarcas-Mom indicated in the target="_blank">comments that, as a youngerster, I locked Sarcasmo Jr.
in the basement. Both Sarcasmo Jr. and I wondered at this, as there are nearly
5 years between us, and I couldn't see torturing her in such a way. As Sarcasmo
Jr. put it, Sarcas-sis and I tormented one another, and Sarcas-sis and Sarcasmo
Jr. tormented one another*, but we were hard pressed to come up
with a time that Sarcasmo Jr. and I would have tormented each other.

Sarcas-Mom has cleared this little mystery up via email...and I must say
I come out as less of a sister-torturing monster in the official version.
It was a summer's day, and Sarcasmo Jr. and I were home alone. Looking
out my front door, I noticed a strange man wandering in and out of the neighbor's
houses...not knocking, just going entering and leaving at his leisure. Panicking,
I locked our front and back door, and sent Sarcasmo Jr. down in the basement
(in case this strange man managed to defy the locked doors) for her safety.
Once the police came and took the strange man away, I let her out her basement
prison. (I would like to note here that it was a finished basement...with
toyboxes, a Ninetendo and a television. It was not as though I locked her
in a dark, dank storeroom with dripping pipes and full of shadows).

I thought at the time I was doing the grown-up thing..that I was being
responsible...I was wise. At 30, I can recognize that perhaps calling the
police on my own, or telephoning and then going to the home of an adult neighbor
I trusted would have been the wiser thing to do. But I was...maybe 10 at
the time. I also thought I was pretty damn smart.

Alas, this wise behavior was not the last time I behaved "responsibly" in an irresponsible manner. When I was a little older I would babysit a neighbor's child at their house up the street after school. After walking with him to his house one
afternoon, intent on getting him to do his homework and then watch GI Joe
(a Real American hero) fight Cobra and Destro, we discovered that his front
door was ajar. Being older, and responsible for his safety, I did what I
thought was the grown-up thing...I had him wait outside while I went in and
checked out the house for intruders.

As it turns out, the house was empty; likely either he, his older brother, or one of his parents had forgotten to close the door when they left earlier in the day.

No, I have no idea what I would have done had I found someone in the house. Probably told them very sternly that it wasn't their house and they had to leave. What

I am often amazed I made it to 13, let alone 30.

Wisdom is a funny thing. When I was 10, I thought I had it; when I was 13 I knew
I had it. When I was 21, not only was I sure of my own mind, I was sure of
the world, the way it worked, and of everyone else's mind as well. After
all, I was smart, I was capable, I knew just about everything there was to
know about life, the universe, and everything. I had nothing left to learn.

Then somewhere around 25 I realized what a crock of sh*t that was.

The younger you are, the easier it is to confuse passion and naivete with knowledge and wisdom.

Now I realize I don't really know anything at all.

The younger you are, the easier it is to confuse passion and naivete
with knowledge and wisdom. Now I realize I don't really know anything at all.

The young aren't entirely to be blamed, of course. When they ask
the truly difficult questions, the one's that are too tiring, too complicated
for us to answer, we respond with the platitude, "It's a grown-up thing.
You'll understand when you're older."

So time passes and we grow-older and try to grow-up and we wait for the final crystal moment of clarity..when experience and intelligence meet in perfect synergy, when we Understand.

But we're all chasing chimeras. The only thing to understand is that there is no age where we know everything, no one, not even grown-ups, really knows anything. The only thing to Understand is that life is complicated. (Unless you are President Bush) there is no clear deliniation between Good and Evil, Black and White, Right and Wrong. (Even Star Wars, largely responsible for our modern mythology recognizes that there is something dark to the Jedis, and sometimes good in the Darks Side. That, after all, is why episode 4 was The New Hope.)

Every situation is a rainbow of grey; a stratosphere of circumstance. The man wandering the street might not mean you harm: he could be a door-to-door salesman, giving away money, or looking for one good soul in the city to save all humanity; and by "wisely" locking that door you may have cut yourself off from opportunity. Or he could be a Bad Man, and he might come into the house using the storm stairs that
go down into the basement from the backyard...straight in the door you never
thought to lock because you were too busy being proud of yourself for being
a Big Girl and handling everything yourself; and then something dear to you
may be lost.

There is no wisdom, only observation and experience. And with a little luck, we manage to survive by knowing what to do with it.

And you should never, ever, lock your little sister in the basement.

*I realize this means Sarcas-sis got an unbalanced share
of the torment. Sorry Sarcas-sis.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 04, 2004
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Decisions, Decisions   

As my share of bills to be paid will soon increase to a whopping 100%, I need to make a few cost-cutting decisions. I have already cancelled my regular telephone service, choosing to stick to my cellphone - which is never more than a few feet from me these days anyway - so that's one bill out of the way (*Note: If you don't have my cellphone number (and need it), send me an email and I will give you the correct info. ) But what to do about the TV/Internet situation?

Obviously, I plan to keep the high-speed internet access. I mean, duh.

I don't watch very much TV, but I must admit I do enjoy having it there to fall back on when I am too bored/lazy/tired to do any thinking on my own. Primarily I watch PBS, BBC America, A&E, MTV and Bravo. I really enjoy BBC America...I watch it more than any other channel. It is, in fact, the only reason I currently keep digital cable.

The question becomes now, is one channel really worth the cost?

I need some recommendations here folks.

What Shall I Do About Internet & Cable Access?
Keep the high speed internet access and digital cable. (and learn to eat PB&J every day)?
Keep the high speed internet access and just keep the basic cable?
Keep the high speed internet access and get rid of cable entirely?
Keep the high speed internet access and get rid of cable entirely, and subscribe to NetFlix?
Keep the high speed internet access and get rid of cable entirely, and spend more time reading?
Get rid of both the high speed internet access and cable, and try to survive on my wonderphone?
Get rid of both the high speed internet access and cable, and try to survive as a luddite?
Other (If choosing 8, other, please explain in comments.)


Free polls from

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, May 04, 2004
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Making Up for Lost Time   

Sorry about the lack of silliness today. Here's oodles of goofiness to make amends...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 03, 2004
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From PR Bop
95% of Americans Like Cereal. 57% Like Sex.

The other 38% would enjoy sex more if they stopped eating cornflakes in bed.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 03, 2004
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Argh. Frustration.   

Darn it. I posted by email to this and my other blog earlier today, and they still haven't posted. I no longer have the original posts, either.

Not that they were of earthshattering importance, but still.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 03, 2004
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Here Is a Surprise   

I am running behind on rainy Monday morning.

Here are two "double-shots" to hold you over till I can get a proper Monday Morning Madness together:

  • Monday Morning Quizes: Take them here and here.

  • I'm Just Bein' Honest : Two takes on Hey Ya! - Via [LF & VM respectively.]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, May 03, 2004
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