What I Did on My Autumn Vacation (Part 1)   

The weather lately has been cool and gray and wonderful. Generally speaking, I prefer my autumn days bright and crisp, with a chill just sharp enough to leave red kisses on my cheeks and nose. Perhaps it says something about my mood as of late - but I am finding this chilly gray as comfortable as an well-worn sweatshirt fresh from the dryer. Still - for all it's comfort, it does make my goal to get out and do something interesting every day of my vacation time a battle of will. Still, yesterday, I managed to pry myself out of comfy sweats and trundled over to The Franklin Institute to check out some new exhibits.

For those of you not in the know, The Franklin Institute is a science museum. Essentially, it is a beautiful old building full of interactive devices where people go to play with science and buy astronaut ice cream (honestly, I don't know why their store even sells anything else)1. It is a lovely slice of dork heaven, and one of my favorite things that Philadelphia has to offer.

Since my childhood, there are three things I must do while at the museum: (1) push the button on the diorama display of Franklin harnessing electricity with his kite and key (2) take the "train ride" on the test locomotive2 and (3) walk through the human heart. 3

The Human Heart was one of my main reasons for this visit - it was recently renovated and I felt compelled to pad my way through it's throbbing halls. It was well worth it to see a young girl pop her head out from above me and call out "Up here, Mommy. I'm in the Septum!" As an additional bonus - the new heart does not smell like stale urine. I have no doubt some one will take care of that soon enough.

The other reason I went was to check out their temporary Titanic exhibit4. I will admit that I am not especially interested in the Titanic but I had heard nothing but excellent things about the exhibit.

It is truly is stunning. James Cameron can eat his heart out.

This is one of the most affecting exhbits of any kind I've ever seen. With music, relics, lavish recreations, and creative lighting (and, I believe, use of temperature), they managed to create a truly moving, interactive experience. There is an added layer to the exhibit - in that each person who attends is given a boarding pass identifying them as one of the actual passengers in from the Titanic. At the end there is a wall which divides the passenger and crew lists into survivors, and those who were lost a sea. I will tell you that my boarding pass bore the name of Mr. Thomas Andrews, Jr. - Chief Designer of the Titanic; meaning that throughout the exhibit I knew that no matter where "my name" appeared on that wall - the story could never end happily for me. (Sorry, I won't tell you his fate.) Even though I knew about this conceit in advance, I will admit that it gave me an added feeling of personal investment while I walked through the displays. And I clearly wasn't the only one - the guest book at the end of the exhibit was full of signature from visitors with jubilant exclamations of "I Lived," "I Survived!" and "I was rescued!".

I hope this signals a new era in museum exhibitions, where curators will recognize that history and art don't need to be static and stocic in order to be important.

Lest you think I am knocking the more traditional museum set-up, after I had pushed all the available buttons to be pushed at the museum, I walked down to the nearby Rodin museum; which has long been on my list of things to do. It is a small museum, and I found the grounds themselves almost as entrancing as the art. I am constantly delighted to discover the oasis' of calm that are nestled in the city...and spent some time reading there after time admiring the sculptures, particularly Eve and the infamous Gate of Hell.

I rounded out my day of spiritual and educational edification by joining friends at the Secret Cinema Halloween event - in which we found ourselves more frightened by the old Air-Wick commercials than anything else.

Tonight and tomorrow are all about Halloween for me - than I'm back to spiritual and intellectual growth. (Or maybe watching old re-runs of The Prisoner on cable. I haven't really decided yet.)

In the meantime, I am ever hopeful that inspiration for this year's Nanowrimo strikes soon, and hard. I hope it hits me so hard that it leaves a mark. In fact - I hope it hits me so hard that it knocks me to the end of November - with a manuscript already in hand.

1 Although, to be fair, this time I purchased an Edgar Allen Poe action figure. I just couldn't turn it down.

2 The test locomotive goes about 2 feet forward and two feet back on the tracks. Passengers can either sit up front and be engineers or sit in back in the coal bin (only to be told they've been thrown in the fire to raise the PSI). I'm not a trainspotter, or particularly interested in trains - and yet I am driven to hand-clapping delight to this day by this little trip. (I always sit in the coal bin too--perhaps I have a latent desire to be immolated?)

3You know, I talk alot about my inner children taking over control of my personality. I am seriously beginning to wonder if I even have an inner 31-year old at all.

4 Since my trip to the museum was instigated by a desire to walk through a human heart and a chance to visit ghosts from the great deep, I am officially considering this trip to be part of my weekend of Halloween activities.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Saturday, October 30, 2004
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Because I Am a Dork   

I can not help but link to this: Fast Times at Hero High.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, October 29, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 28, 2004
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And Now's the Time on Sarcasmo's Corner Where We Do a Little Dance   



(to be sung to whatever tune suits your fancy): I'm on vacation

I'm on vacation

I'm on vacation

I'm on vacation

Sweet, sweet freedom until November 8th. Ahhh!!!

Also, my ruling personality (the inner six year old) has this to say:






She's been bouncing around my internal monolouge all week like she's already consumed a huge booty of sugary goodness. And I've been encouraging her by listening to these fantastic collections of campy Halloweeny goodness for the past few days. (Special thanks to Emm for hooking me up with his bit-torrenting skillz). I am in spending the remainder of this week in full on Halloween mode. I've got me a dress, a cape, a mask on a stick and a handful of Halloween-related events (and I'm looking at a few more.)

Next week's time off is really for Halloween recovery - and to deal with the two scariest days of all: The Start of Nanowrimo and Election Day. (*shudder*)

Expect not many posts - but lots of pictures.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 27, 2004
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IF Walkthroughs (or Sure She Can Type, But Can She Talk 

This Wednesday, I will be participating in IF Walkthroughs,
a somewhat unusual reading at href="http://www.writing.upenn.edu/%7Ewh/" target="_blank">The Kelly
Writers House
at the target="_blank">University of Pennsylvania; unusual in that the
three readings will be from interactive adventure texts.1 href="http://nickm.com/" target="_blank">Nick Montfort, (author of
Twisty Little
, event organizer and fellow presenter) gives a good
description of the event target="_blank">here.

Due to the interactive nature of the texts - the format is a little
different from your standard readings. I am interested in seeing how it
will play out.

I am also interested in seeing if I make it all the way through the
presentation without making a complete and utter ass out of myself.

Have I mentioned that I have an unnatural fear of public speaking?
Get me in front of a crowd and suddenly my brain and my body are no
longer on speaking terms...there is anarchy from nearly every neural
corner: my mouth refuses to produce saliva and my tongue becomes either
too lax or too stiff to form actual words; my face blooms into a garden
of fevered red blotches; my knees knock together; and my hands shake so
badly that I can't hold a laser pointer for fear of permanently blinding
someone (particularly myself).2

Happily the host (href="http://caxton.stockton.edu/rettberg/">Scott Rettberg) and the
other readers (Daniel
"Peccable" Ravipinto
, href="http://grandtextauto.gatech.edu/index.php" target="_blank">Nick
and target="_blank">Emily Short) are all erudite, well-spoken, charming,
entertaining and interesting individuals who seem unlikely to morph into
stammering morons under the light of public scrutiny.

So, if you are an interactive fiction fan, are interested in
alternative literature/media or in being introduced to (or indoctrinated
into) the world of interactive fiction games I encourage you to attend;
there will be lots for you to learn and enjoy. (Consider the warm
schadenfreude glow of seeing me try to survive the reading and
Q&A an added bonus.3)

Here is the pertinent info:

What: IF Walkthroughs

Where: Kelly Writers House - The Arts Cafe.

3805 Locust Walk,

When: Wednesday, October 27th. 5:30 PM

Why: Because we like you!

For those of you who like to study ahead - you can download and play
Towards Bedlam
(by Peccable and myself) and href="http://www.wurb.com/if/game/1821" target="_blank">Savoir
(by Emily Short) in advance. (Please note that both games
require you to have an interpreter - such as Winfrotz. You can find out
how to download and install it href="http://users.actrix.co.nz/stevgrif/howplay.htm"
.) Nick Montfort is boldy reading from Book
and Volume
, a work in progress. It has not been released into the
great wilds of the internet yet, but I have been lucky enough to see
some of it (and look forward to the privilege playing through some
implemented text this evening) and I can tell you that it promises to
be entertaining.

If you do attend the reading, please come over say hello.

You know, once I've stopped hyperventilating.

1 In other words, we'll be reading from video
games; 1 and we're doing it Old School.If you are a video game fan, and
you've never played a text adventure game, I beseech you to put down the
console controller and find yourself a copy of
or href="http://www.the-underdogs.org/game.php?name=Wishbringer+%5BSolid+Gold%5D"
or href="http://www.douglasadams.com/creations/infocomjava.html"
target="_blank">Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

to play. No - I mean right now.

2 In college I actually minored in Theatre Arts with the
intention of beating this irrational fear out of me. Sadly, all this
accomplished was making me comfortable enough to get out in front of
people in a silly, hammy way - in character or costume. (This has not
proven too effective in business practice. I have yet to have had a
meeting where it was appropriate for me to show up and give statistical
data while wearing a pirate's hat and vampire teeth. And believe you me
- I've been waiting.) The other readers didn't mention if they would be
presenting in full costume and makeup- so I'm guessing it would be
inappropriate for me to show up in mine.

 3 In fact, after we decided my portion of the reading would include some classic Greek, I was informed some Classicists might be in attendance. As I expect I will mangle the Greek terrifically, I expect a bonus academic beat down (I am imagining them standing up and hurling copies of Aeschylus and Virgil at my head in lieu of tomatoes)
may also occur.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, October 25, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 24, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Tonight I had the very good fortune to spend the evening with Alex the Girl at The Medusa Head, where we saw a cabaret show performed by Medusa herself (with Orpheus on keys, and special guests Cerebus and Persephone). Fear not, reflective glasses were provided for the protection of the crowd; and let me assure you, you ain't seen nothin' 'till you've seen a Gorgon sing "My Way in a shiny, silver dress.

Post show, a very nice young man informed me of not one but two ways universal happiness could occur. The first involved two Romulan women coming to terms with their feelings for one another. The second was that all cats should be fed Iams catfood (not only does it's name contain the name of God ("I Am"), but it is also, apparently, very nutritious for cats.) I can't vouch for the validity of these theories; I merely pass them on for the common good.

On to the ever-so-slightly-less-specious Friday Follies:

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, October 22, 2004
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The Dangers of Sugar Before Bed    

After my weekly movie night/sugar orgy, I crash hard and sleep hard,
as any good, overly hyper child should. As a result, I must have some
pretty interesting dreams, because I awoke this morning thinking that
the target="_blank">Trickster Archetype has had the following

I can only conclude that sugar does, in fact, rot your brain. Who

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 21, 2004
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Roll for Damage!   

I don't know what upsets me more: that Dungeon Majesty exists; that I understand everything that happened in the teaser trailer; or that my friends and I didn't make this ourselves. - [NB]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 20, 2004
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Whoa-oh-oh....Listen to the Music   

I play this little game with myself in the morning, in which I
imagine whatever the last song is that I hear on my MP3 player on the
way to work is an indicator of how my work day will go.1 I
keep my MP3 player set to random - so it really could be anything.

This morning, if traffic had been just a few minutes faster, I would
have walked into work on the heels of href="http://www.afn.org/~afn30091/songs/d/daniels-devil.htm"
target="_blank">The Devil Went Down to Georgia
- which would
have promised a day of Loki-like hutzpah against the forces of darkness
AND a shiny new fiddle.

But it was raining, and traffic was slow, so I approached the
building listening to the opening theme from href="http://www.the-prisoner-6.freeserve.co.uk/" target="_blank">The
2. There is no way to make that bode
well. At the very worst, I will be stamped, numbered, briefed, and
debriefed. And the very least, I seemed cursed to break a lovely china

Oh, the humanity.

1 Now, there is no scientific evidence to prove this is so
- and I'm much too lazy to actually document last song heard vs. quality
of day. It's just a silly thing I do. It amuses me in the morning
before I have had a enough coffee to be lucid and vaguely sensible.

2 Actually, I almost came in listening to Bowie's href="http://www.lyricsdir.com/d/david-bowie/sweet-head.php"
target="_blank">Sweet Head
, but just as I started to enjoy it I
was interrupted. Isn't that always the way?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 20, 2004
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Sarcasmo's Low Down Dirty Shame   

J-Walk blog posted awhile back about people and their "Claim to Shame"; things they haven't done that most other people have. (Yes, I know this was posted nearly a month ago. This is a blog, folks, not a ticker tape machine. You should take this as a compliment; that I would take this much time to mull over my ideas before subjecting you to them, rather than as an excuse to attack me for my tardiness. Geeze. ).

Now, as you know, I pride myself on being someone who treads the border of the beaten path. (I can't say I avoid it exactly, but I'm often distracted by lovely roadside attractions and sometimes wander around them long enough to get lost; this may be less of a life-choice-thing and more of a lack-of-directional-sense-thing - but it still counts), so I was certain my list would be rather lengthy. Not so. This is what I've come up with so far:

I have never:

  • Owned a car.

  • Had a driver's license. (Yes, seriously. I live in Center City Philadelphia. Do you have any idea what it costs to park around here?)

  • Read The Davinci Code or The Nanny Diaries

  • Secretly wanted to be on a reality tv show

Yep. That's it. Seriously. And I've had nearly a month to think about it.

I mean, sure, there are lots of things I haven't done (driven Route 66 (see bullet points 1 and 2), danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, brought about social change through the power of dance, been a deb at a debutante ball)...but as far as generic life experiences go - I seem to have done most of them (unless I really don't know what ordinary people do).

Someone help me. Am I really this mainstream?

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, October 19, 2004
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Monday Bonus Madness!   

I found some more silly stuff, and I didn't want to have to wait till Friday to post it.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, October 18, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 17, 2004
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What Happens When You Invite A Political Comedian to a Politcal Show?   

He won't be Crossfire's monkey.

If you haven't seen it yet, check out Jon Stewart's appearance on Crossfire.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 17, 2004
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Here's A Question Someone Asked Me the Other Day...   

Are you an exstistentialist, or an absurdist?


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 14, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 14, 2004
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Considering Infidelity   

Yes it's true, I've got cheatin' on the mind.

And each day I get closer and closer to ruining forever that sacred bond; the bond between a woman and her stylist.

I love my stylist. I truly do. We have that unspoken connection that most people only dream of: she knows when I want to chat, and when to be silent; that I only own one flat brush and one round brush and don't like to spend a lot of time on my hair; how I want my haircut and colored even if before I've finished speaking the words; and she never laughs at me when I bring in pictures of anime characters and say "make it this way." She is the only stylist I have ever had that has made my gray vanish in a way that it didn't re-appear several days after.

She is truly a wonder and I value her skills immensely; I trust her more than I trust my doctor. But here's my dilema. She's attached to one of those trendy Center City salons, which can be quite costly. Usually I don't mind, because after a few hours with her I always leave feeling like it was worth it. But I have vacation time coming up...and frankly I would rather spend that money on going out and doing stuff than staying home and having fabulous hair.

Now, I could just continue to grow my hair out and gray gracefully for a few more weeks; wear it like some dowdy badge of honor. But you know, I caught myself in the mirror today - and hey, let's face it. Sometimes we think about doing foolish things to help make ourselves feel younger.

Surely it wouldn't be so bad if I stop in a beauty supply store and get some stuff so I can - you know - help myself out at home.

Or I could duck into one of those non-descript corner places that will accept anyone right off the street, assign some random person to you and set them to handle you even though they have no idea about your desires; who will treat you like just another face briefly enters their domain. The kind that calls you "hon" and "sweetie" instead of bothering to learn your name, then tells you you look great as they send you out on to the street; rumpled, dazed and covered with hair you aren't entirely sure is your own.

I'd stumble back to my stylist in the end of course, hat firmly on head, appointment in hand, and completely repentant. I'd look sheeplishly at my feet as she ran her fingers through my hair, noticing the cut was all wrong, that the shape was abysmal, and that I had developed an unsightly razor burn behind my ear

"You have Miss Clariol on your collar," she'd say in a stone calm voice as she positioned by head firmly downward..

"Yeah, look....I just an impulse, a one time thing. It was stupid, I know. I didn't even like it. She didn't get me. Not the way you do. I'm sorry."

And she wouldn't say anything. She'd just be silent. A cold angry silence, punctuated by short bursts of snipping..

And do I really want to risk that kind of anger from someone who will have a free range of chemicals and sharp objects near my face and head? Is the risk worth it? Should I just buy some stylish hats?

I just don't know.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 13, 2004
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Obligatory Wednesday Post   

Hey. As it turns out, I've got nothing to say. However, I realize that this is the internet (or "Internets"- depending who you talk to. Mostly unrelated sidebar - I was thinking this morning that it would be interesting if the bastardized American English (sorry my fellow Americans, but it is) changed to reflect the language of our leaders. In the same way a "foot" used to be measured by the reigning monarchs body parts our language could change to reflect the our leader's malapropisms; thereby making "misunderestimate" a perfectly cromulent word.) and therefore whether or not my post has substance is largely inconsiquential.

Therefore, today's post will be brought to you by Captialism - keeping Americans in debt for decades.

The new Signals catalog has come out. For those of you not in the know, Signals is a catalog for people who watch PBS, listen to NPR, and clearly have more money than they know what to do with. And in case you think I'm knocking people who watch PBS and listen to NPR, I should tell you that this catalog comes directly to my mailbox. Every month. (I just haven't figured out the money part of this equation yet.)

I take great delight in perusing the Signals catalog, as it is fully of delightfully geeky and mostly useless doodads which I would snatch up if money were no object and I actually, you know, enjoyed shopping. (It has recently been pointed out to me that Amazon would beg to differ. To that I say pppbbbbttt! (depsite the fact that I ordered two more things off my wishlist this morning. But hey - a Stephen Fry novel for $.84? There may be moths in my wallet by I am not made of stone! Evil, evil, wonderful Amazon wishlist Watchcow!)

Here are my current dorkilicious favorites which I currently covet (or at least things that make me giggle):

In addition, I am also now a fan of this clock and this rug, found of Gizmodo and GrowaBrain, respectively.

Also, since I am indirectly promoting rampant consumerism here - I thought I would also mention that October 19th is BUYCOTT day, which encourages women to not buy any non-essential items on that date in order to underscore the impact women have on the economy.

I have to admit I am a bit torn on this one. On the one hand - I am pro anything that stresses equality. On the other - doesn't it support the stereotype as women as shopaholics - so much so that the economy would collapse if we all took a day off from recreational shopping?

And the most important question I have is this: books are essential items. Right?


Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 13, 2004
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Meme Time   

I'm likely to regret this, but hey, it's a slow day:

1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
4. Post this meme in your journal.

(stolen from various LJs)

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, October 12, 2004
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Apparently, I am on numerous respected businessman lists overseas; so respected and trusted that several high profile business people, government officials and religious leaders seek my assistance in highly sensitive financial transactions numerous times a day.

In fact, my business acumen is well known that I frequently receive acceptances for mortgage requests that I did not even make.

Do you think, given the dozens of corraborating documents that flood my email box each day that I could start including this information on my resume? Surely being an internationally recognized and respected business person with financial saavy would allow me to command a higher salary rate.

Or is the scandalous backlash too much to bear when it is revealed that underage girls and their barnyard animals are hot for me and/or want me to purchase terrorist goods?

Decisions, decisions.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, October 12, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

Random Weekend notes (which you can feel free to skip to get to the good stuff):

  1. Who ever had the initial idea to put yummy chicken curry in turnover form (thereby making it flaky, portable, and able to be eaten with one's fingers and out of a paper bag while wandering through Chinatown) was a culinary genius. Culinary. Genius.

  2. Anyone who special orders an CD of a Japanese pop star (inspired to check out their music because they saw them in a movie and thought they were pretty hot) without doing the proper research probably deserves the American industrial garage band cd they sadly get by mistake. But it doesn't mean they have to like it.

  3. Listening to the theme for Twin Peaks while ensconsed in a giant swan is surprisingly appropriate.

  4. Squirrel monkeys are my new favorite monkey. They rock. That is all

On with the madness...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 10, 2004
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For All My Female Readers   

This group surely needs a local chapter. - [JWB

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 10, 2004
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Friday Follies   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 07, 2004
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I am currently blogging from a commercial garage rooftop, where I am
sitting comfortably under a clear open sky, waiting for an evening of href="http://www.thesecretcinema.com">horror cinema to begin.

I love Autumn.

I love living in the city.

I love Halloween.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, October 07, 2004
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A Swingin' Time Was Had By All   

At tonight's installment of our weekly movie night, Vis Major brought along the original The Parent Trap staring Haley Mills (and Haley Mills). I am quite certain she now regrets it.

Filthiest. Movie. Ever.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with the collective degenerate minds of the audience. I'm not kidding. This seemingly benign Disney classic is fraught with enough creepy sexual (and sexist) subtext to make Freud's head explode (if he weren't already dead, that is.)

I don't think I can ever watch it again. Not seriously, anyway. Or with any children in a 20 ft. radius of the area.

Do you think Haley Mills ever wakes up in the middle of the night whispering to herself, "The horror...the horror..."? I do.

There was much witty and ribald banter this evening - but this has to be my favorite quote of the evening (which actually related to the pre-movie short, Double Trouble):

Sarcasmo: Why would he do that?

Super Tarzan: Because Donald Duck has no respect for women.

Mouserobot: Donald has more respect for women than Heinlein.

(Did I mention there is no drinking at Movie Night? Can you see why I love these people?)

For Haley Mills (and anyone else who would like to get Let's Get Together out of their heads), I offer this catchy, completely unrelated flash video: The Llama Song (via Ritilan.com)

Llama, llama, duck. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 06, 2004
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Why Do I Only Feel the Urge for a Rampant Orgy of Cosumerism When I am Flat Broke?    

Wallet flush? Feeling generous? Here's a few things you can get for the Sarcasmo in your life:

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, October 06, 2004
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For Your Listening Pleasure   

Trout Fishing in Wisconsin's All Eighties Cover Version Mix Tape.

Now please excuse me while I add several of these albums to my wish list.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, October 05, 2004
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Some Things Don't Need to Be Cute-afied   

I love my personal communications device. And I love Halloween. But I have to say these represent an unholy synergy of both.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, October 04, 2004
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Someone Steady My Nerves   

This is getting awfully close.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, October 04, 2004
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Monday Morning Madness   

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, October 03, 2004
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I Need to Have My Head Examined   

Because I am giving Nanowrimo another shot this year.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Saturday, October 02, 2004
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Possibly the Best Mash-Up Ever (Certainly the Tastites)   

Chocolypse Now. - [MF]

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, October 01, 2004
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Sheer Vanity

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