Friday Follies   


As this weekend marks Labor Day, that all important American holiday when people with children celebrate the fact they can unload their progeny onto the school system again next week, and the rest of us are just glad to have Monday off, I'm taking some time away from the computer. No links Monday, and just some really bizarre videos for today.

Quit your whining, Interweb. It's not like you own me.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 31, 2006
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It's the Lion Mirrors   


While I was unfortunately hypnotized by Celebrity Duets the other night, a commercial advertising HDTV caught my attention. The commercial is called "Believe" and can be seen here (for the record, this only worked for me in IE - Firefox didn't recognize the content).

I feel as though a much better title for the ad would have been "Welcome to The Veldt."

Please don't let the TV get me.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, August 30, 2006
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The Off-Key Opiate of the Masses   


So, the rain preluded my plans to view airborne reptiles - and I was too disappointed to take my newfound time and do the work I had sitting around and so, I'm ashamed to say I gave in to my natural sloth and watched Celebrity Duets. I'm not proud - but facts is facts. And after two hours - I have two questions:

  1. Did anyone else find it a little creepy that Marie Osmond found the need to tell everyone how attractive they were? (Although, seriously, how adorable is Hal Sparks? I've had a little crush on him for ages - I love a man with a smart-ass sense of humor - but now I learn he sings too? I may swoon - just a little.)
  2. Is there any particular reason that none of the songs they sang were songs that were written as duets? Not every song works as a duet just by dividing the lyrics into two parts. Both Say My Name and Heard it Through the Grapevine become particularly sad in duet form - what dysfunctional relationships those must be if both parties think the other is cheating. (Much like the relationship in Escape- The Pina Colada Song.) There are plenty of perfectly good duets out there - I'm just saying: Leather
    & Lace
    , Don't Go Breaking My Heart, We've Got Tonight, Islands in the Streams, Baby It's Cold Outside, We're a Couple of Swells, Up Where We Belong and, of course, Paradise by the Dashboard Light - the duet which I was convinced I was destined to sing with Axl Rose when I became a rock star. Yes, I'm serious. I even used to practice. Regularly Naturally, this was before Axl Rose's ego ate Guns N' Roses. These days, I'd probably like to do a duet with Roger Daltry or Neil Finn or David Poe. Ooh - or Tim Curry. That'd be fun.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, August 29, 2006
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Monday Morning Madness   


I don't know about you guys, but I had a very musical weekend. I tried my hand (and feet) at Salsa dancing, (which both I and those doomed to stand near me during the lessons managed to survive - score!) and had the opportunity to see Mr. Code Monkey himself, Jonathan Coulton live. I recommend both activities if you manage them; but seeing Coulton live especially, as he's very enjoyable and there are fewer Jonathan Coulton's than there are salsa dancing venues in the world.(To the best of my knowledge, anyway. If he's cloned himself into a mass music-playing army, he didn't mention it during the show.) He's very well-worth seeing.

Since he's currently at week 47 of 52 for his Thing a Week project, I opted not to buy his cd at the show1 - being determined to hold off and just download the whole kit and caboodle in a few weeks' time. Although I am getting an itchy shopping finger in the areas of Skullcrusher Mountain &The Future Soon since hearing them performed live. (It's not as though I don't own a handful of his tunes already, I'm just trying to avoid too many unnecessary duplicates) So, I'm being patient. I got a re: Your Brains shirt to hold me over in the meantime, although I've since realized that there are few places in which I can likely wear it without raising alarm.

Sigh. Bad fiscal choices, good times. And now, the links:



1 Although I did buy one of Jim Boggia's cds. He was the show headliner, and was also excellent, although in a more rainy Sunday less silly way.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, August 27, 2006
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Friday Follies   


Don't know what you lot are doing with your weekend, but I know what I'll be doing with mine...

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 24, 2006
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Better Than I Ever Could Have Said It   


"...we're doing exactly what the terrorists want."

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 24, 2006
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Apocalypse Later   


So - the world didn't end yesterday despite dire predictions otherwise; which one the one hand is good, because I like the world and I wasn't done playing with it yet, thanks, but on the other hand is slightly disappointing because it does mean I have to get off my lazy duff and get to work today.

*Sigh*

Still - I wonder if I shouldn't start preparing for the next end-of-the-world scare. (Someone's bound to be right sometime, aren't they?) Years ago, I watched the first episode of the series Connections (really excellent, by the way) which managed to petrify me to the core of my being because I have no basic farming skills - which is a biggie for survival should technology fail us. It is the only time I've ever watched television and then desperately wanted to learn to plow.

Along those lines, I'm really curious about this Post-Apocalyptic Summer Camp (via SOW), which apparently provides practical survival training for people who live through end-of-the-world scenarios. Portland is a little far for me to travel in order to learn how to kill, clean and cook a squirrel and to effectively break into a home - but if it were more local, I'd consider putting down the $200. Not because I particularly want to eat roadkill, mind you, but it certainly does sound like an adventure.

And since I can't plow, I need some end-of-the-world skills to fall back on.


For now, I suppose I can fall back on this (via JWB).

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, August 23, 2006
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Monday Morning Madness   


It's mostly passive entertainment today - with the exception of the quiz. And let's face it, the quiz doesn't really take that make effort, so quit your whining.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Monday, August 21, 2006
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Friday Follies   


Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, August 18, 2006
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Bang, Whimper, Whine   


Normally, I would assume that magician David Copperfield's announcement that he has discovered a potential fountain of youth on one of his private islands was merely a marketing ploy to create advanced hype for some future illusion in which he would use it to transform King Tut's mummified remains into some hot young monarch on live television. However, in light of the news that the world is scheduled to end on next week, I'm willing to be that he has, in fact, discovered the real deal. That seems like something the Universe would do. "Hey, Mankind, here's the eternal youth you've been trying to achieve acquire through science and surgery all these years. Drink fast. You only have a few days to enjoy it."

Mind you, I don't usually put stock in end-of-the-world predictions either, but in this case, they're saying the world is going to end on a Tuesday - which means we've all got to suck it up and face one final Monday before the bitter end, which also seems somehow true to form.

That cosmos. Such a trickster. ( And just as I was beginning to get the recognition I so richly deserve, too.)

Ah well, at least it means that those of us who grew up in the 9 planet solar system won't have to bother learning the name of those 3 new planets. Of course, it also means that we won't have the opportunity, years from now to admonish our the next generation by complaining that, in our day, we only had 9 planets, and that was more than enough for us.We were more discerning then - for a while we weren't even sure we were going to let Pluto be a planet - let alone add extras.", and so forth and so on, after they cheekily correct us for getting the first round"This is the number of planets in our solar system" question wrong while forcing them to watch Teen Jeopardy!.

Actually, if next week is Armageddon, I can't say I'd really miss Teen Jeopardy! Those damn high school kids show me up every time.


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 17, 2006
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Stories That Never Were   


I recently participated in a little writing excerise/meme/game/timewaster, the rules of which are as follows:
Make up a title for a story I didn't write, and I will respond with details of those non-written stories.


I decided to throw the results up on my mostly-defunct Scribblings page, not because I think they're destined to win the Pulitzer (unless they've added a "Slacking Off" category?) but because it's been ages since I've written something that wasn't just a glorified link to actual content some one else had written, and I though maybe it'd be a pleasant change to post something that didn't whisk you off to YouTube. Also, I went a little overboard on one or two of them and actually wrote complete (if short) pieces - and a completed bit of fiction, no matter how frivilous, is a rare enough thing in my life to warrant celebration.



And frankly - the post I had planned fell flat, and I figure recycled content is better than none at all. I know how tempermental your Internets are - no new content for a few days and you forget all about me. (Jackals.)



If you're bored, post the rule in your blog and play along (let me know, so I can suggest a title).


If you're really bored, send me a title and I'll see what I can make from it.*


And if you're really, really bored, you can find the fruits of my efforts (presented in their original, unedited (aka riddled with typos) format) here:



* Special note to Grant: No atomic chickens.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, August 16, 2006
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Monday Morning Madness   


Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, August 13, 2006
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I Swear I Didn't Teach Him Those Words   


My sister just updated the Guest Blog (down there on the left sidebar) with a post that made me laugh so hard I cried.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Friday, August 11, 2006
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Friday Follies   


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 10, 2006
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They Lost WHAT?!?   


NASA has misplaced the original tapes documenting man's first steps on the moon. Cripes! And I feel like an ass when I mislay my keys. -{FG]


Thank heavens for YouTube, It may not be high quality, but at least we can still see it.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 10, 2006
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The "Teh" Problem   


I appreciate the fact that I am not the world's best speller or grammatarian. However, I respect language too much to abuse it willfully*. Language - written or spoken, semaphored or sung, is essential for communication. It is our link to our history , our future, and one another. They say it's what separates us from the animals**. And being such an integral part of Humanity and human relations, I feel that we shouldn't
run about slaughtering it indiscriminately. And especially not ironically. (Please see sidebar.)


While I'm having a snit fit about language, let's have a quick jaw about the word "irony," shall we? Between Alanis Morisette's musical misunderstanding and the media's insistence that everything hipsters do is done ironically, I think the word has been decimated of its original meaning. I think a replament term is in order. Irony is a great concept that modern day society has bitterly abused. Here's a tip to the Hipsters (I may have said this before, but it bears repeating): An article of clothing can be worn with irony one time and one time only.

Once you have laundered it a let it mingle with your other clothing, safely tucked away for future wearing, it is simply a regular part of your wardrobe. (That Smurfs t-shirt? No longer a statement on the crass, television fueled consumerism of the 80s and a society focused on breaking down the human psyche into small, adorable, irritating characters for easier consumption. Instead: a legitimate expression of your love for all things blue, Communist, and 3 apples high.) Clothing can only be worn ironically by a nudist.


I worry for the Hipster culture some days. If the media is to be believed - their entire existence is defined by irony. Should they ever have an honest moment, no one would believe them.


Does Hipster culture even exist anymore - or are people only Hipsters in the ironic sense these days?


I suppose what I'm getting at is that yes, everyone (at least everyone I hang out with, but then my crowd is mostly made up of word nerds) has a pet word or phrase that they shudder to hear mis-used. For some people it's the pronunciation of "coupon," for others, the distinction between "less" and"fewer"; for me, it's the rampant use of"teh.""Teh" is not a word. "Teh" is a typo; a typo I am often guilty of because I tend to invert my letters when I type too quickly***, granted, but a typo nonetheless.
It is an error. A faux pas. An egregious error. Decidedly not a word.


I appreciate the fact that language is fluid and ever-changing, and that our society evolves so will our methods of communication, but this adoption of errors into our language isn't to be borne. Spelling was (sort of) standardized for a reason. Are we going to undo all that's been done because our lifestyles are so fast moving that we can't be bothered to hit the backspace key and make corrections when we've mis-typed?


There is some portion of the population who have adopted this mis-spelling as a counter-culture identifier - to indicate they are savvy in the ways of the web. This pains me (correct grammar travels through the tubes of the Internet just
as quickly as poor), but I am willing to recognize net speak as a sort of written dialect, privy to its own rules regarding usage.**** However - I have noticed more and more that it is being used in spoken language. A spoken typo. A verbalization of something that, if tapped out, would deduct points from your typing test. A mistake. A slip-up. An uttered blunder. It's tragic enough that this sort of thing is debasing our written word. Must we compound the problem by tossing it into our speech as well?



It is not to be borne. I tell you this, without hyperbole - walk over my grave, and I shan't blink; slowly draw your nails down a chalkboard and I may shudder, but speak "teh" in my presence, and be cursed with the knowledge that you have, in that moment, shaken my soul to its core in the most unpleasant of ways. And whereas the causation of my suffering may not keep you up at night, it most certainly will me - I'll be awake planning my heinous revenge - a revenge so hideous and painful as to be "teh
suck
."




* It's really more that I didn't pay attention well enough in school, and I'm lazy.

**Well language, the ability to question and reason, opposable thumbs, and that the theory that we need cutlery especially designed for mayonnaise and olives.

*** This same ten-thumbed approach to typing often makes me appear that I am incable of spelling my own name; which is especially embarrassing because there's only 4 letters in it to begin with.


**** My concession to this point is in part a recognition of the changeable nature of language, but mostly it's a recognition that when someone commits this particular sin online, the fact that there's an entire Internet between the offender and myself precludes me from beating them over the head with a dictionary - for their own good, and the good of Mankind. (err..This Mankind, not the wrestler nor the
band
- although both are included in the former.)

Posted by Sarcasmo on Wednesday, August 09, 2006
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As If Any Of You Ever Doubted   


Mathematical proof that Sarcasmo is the Antichrist!

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, August 08, 2006
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Monday Morning Madness   


Before I get to the list, I just want to thank Mel Gibson for his high profile ass-hatery, which has subsequently introduced the term "Sugar Tits" into the common parlance. Now that it has been repeatedly bandied about in the press, I feel that we, the common people, are now free
to use it as an affectionate pejorative (much in the way "Hey, Slut!" is apparently now an acceptable way to greet a bosom(ed?) friend.) However, However, I don't think. "What are you looking at, Sugar Tits?" really packs the right punch for daily conversation. I'm going to try introducing the phrase, "Settle down, Sugar Tits!" into every day conversation. It's
alliterative, and trips from the tongue more easily than "What are you looking at" (a phrase which, after all, brings to mind a young Gary Coleman, and I don't think Mrs. Garrett would have stood for being called "Sugar Tits" by any member of the Drummond clan), and could be applicable in a variety of social situations. (I briefly considered attempting to introduce this phrase into the business world as well - but have since decided that I would prefer to keep my job.) At the very least, it would be an appropriate
way to greet Mel Gibson, should you ever meet him on the street.*


Right. Links.



* Sorry - this is the sort of posting that happens when I'm full of strong coffee and not much else.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Sunday, August 06, 2006
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Friday Follies   


It's an all movie-edition of Friday Follies because...well...because I feel like it. Back up, buster, this my blog. I don't have to explain myself to you:


Posted by Sarcasmo on Thursday, August 03, 2006
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Trade winds find galleons lost in the sea...   


I feel that if one is roused from slumber to discover themselves basking in warm winds, and that the external temperature is already teetering towards 90 despite it being several hours from noon, they should subsequently be able to expect certain subsequent things. For example : that someone is at the ready to provide them with a light repast coupled a bottomless pot of coffee, and that outside their window is an empty stretch of pristine white sand beach with edges
awash in a sparkling blue sea where they can cool themselves at their leisure. Weather like this is well met in the grimy, steamy city. All I have from this vignette is the coffee (I inexplicably crave it in the heat. Not just warm beverages - I don't want tea or soup - I specifically crave coffee - constantly), and all I have for cooling off is my shower, which, despite my best intentions, is far from sparkling.



Ah, well, I don't really care for the beach anyway.



In addition to the coffee, the heat has brought with it a desire to listen to the Doors. I've always been a fan, but I've felt especially drawn to them since the temperatures spiked. Maybe I believe its cooler on Love Street. Or maybe I'm just wishing for my own lazy diamond-studded flunky - who could be responsible for brewing said bottomless pot of coffee. Plus - how awesome would they look sparkling in the afternoon sun?



Is it wrong for a 20th Century Fox to give in and just have ice cream for dinner (especially if she was well-behaved and had salad for lunch)? After all, she is the queen of cool.



Yeah, maybe the heat has gone to my head.

Posted by Sarcasmo on Tuesday, August 01, 2006
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